I also thought about Quinn. As painful as it had been to hear it, Leo was right. Quinn would have been highly disappointed to learn that I'd shut myself off from almost everything. She'd have scolded me for being so closed-minded and afraid of change, but I hadn't been ready to let anyone else in.
"We're going to have to open up and let go of the idea that we can control it all, girl," I huffed as Tesla and I ran. She ran a little ahead of me and then dropped back to match my stride as I talked to her. "I'm not sure how this is going to go, though. I don't know if Alex will like how our life works."
Tesla let out a short woof as she ran and then picked up the pace as she spotted a baby rabbit moving around under some bushes. She took off like a flash and yanked hard on the leash.
"Tesla! Stop!" I yelled as the baby rabbit sped off under the bush. I caught up to her a few seconds later and stopped to catch my breath as she nosed around the bush. "Let it go, girl. It's a baby."
"Woof!" she replied as she sat down and stared at the dense cover waiting for the baby bunny to reappear. I yanked on her leash and urged her to get moving again, and after a few tugs, she gave up her vigil and ran with me.
"You're hopeless, you know?" I laughed as we pounded the pavement and headed for home. Back at the house, I fed Tesla before showering and making my own dinner. It was still early, so I decided to stop by O'Neil's and have a beer before I went to find Alex.
"Hey, Cam, it's been awhile!" Billy called as he grabbed a bottle of Fat Tire and held it up with a questioning look.
"Nah, give me a Blue Moon tonight," I said, shaking my head. "I gotta keep my wits about me."
"You negotiating something?" Billy asked half-seriously.
"Something like that." I grinned.
"Must be a woman," he observed as he poured me a draft and stuck an orange slice on the edge of the glass.
"How'd you know?" I laughed.
"There's only two things you stay sober to negotiate," he replied. "Women and speeding tickets."
"Is that right, Billy?" I laughed harder as I sipped my beer and looked around the place. There were a few tables full of tourists, and the bar was lined with regulars who all waved at me and then turned their attention back to the hockey game on the big screen behind the bar.
"So, who's the woman?" Billy asked as he ran a sink full of hot water and began washing bar glasses.
"Her name's Alex," I said, knowing that I could tell Billy anything and my secrets would stay safe with him. He was like the Fort Knox of firefighter confessions. "She's a nursing student over at the college and is doing her internship at General."
"I see." Billy nodded. "How you feeling about that?"
"Honestly, mixed up," I said as I ran my finger down the side of my beer glass leaving a line in the perspiration. "I'm not sure how I should feel."
"She know about Quinn?" he asked as he dunked a glass into the suds, scrubbed with his rag, and then plunged the glass into the rinse water.
"Yeah, she's fine with it." I nodded.
"She know about the other business?" Billy asked. I'd told him about CSC one drunken evening when I was worried that I wouldn't be able to come up with the cash to keep it going. Billy had suggested that I find a few partners, but I'd blown off the idea once I'd gotten the life insurance check. I hadn't wanted to keep any of the money, but Leo had convinced me that I needed to invest it, even if I wasn't going to spend it myself. Billy had seconded Leo's advice, so I'd done it.
"No, but I'm going to tell her tonight," I said. "Leo's landed a big client and we're going to have to go public with the ownership to keep the contract."
"How do you feel about that?" Billy asked as one of the regulars signaled for another drink. "Be right back."
I used the time to think about how I really felt about all of this. I was angry that I was being forced to show myself and become the focus of attention again. I'd had enough of it to last a lifetime after Quinn had died, but now I wondered if I hadn't gotten too deep into my own need for privacy.
"I think I'm okay with it," I said when Billy returned from delivering the drink. "I think it's good for me to let go of the past and start to live in the present now. And maybe the attention on CSC will be a good thing for me and Leo."
"Sounds like a good attitude," Billy said with a knowing smile. "It's good to see you branching out."
"It feels good to start to live again." I nodded.
"Women will do that to you." Billy grinned. "You sure you're ready for that?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," I said as Billy reached across the bar and slapped my shoulder.
I sat and shot the breeze with him for another hour before I realized that Alex had started her shift at the hospital and I needed to see her.