I could already tell that Spencer had just tried to fluff up the place and what I would have to do there. Group sessions, individual therapy sessions, interacting with my peers – it all sounded horrible and I already wanted to leave. I didn’t blame him, though; Spencer had always been a good friend to me and only interested in pushing me toward being a better person.
I turned my attention to the beautiful redhead. After catching her in the midst of a risqué conversation with her friend, I felt like I had the upper hand in our little cat-and-mouse game. I still wanted to know where that piercing of hers was, although I suspected it was in her tongue or her boss wouldn’t have mentioned it. But hell, it was fun to think about all the other locations that she could have pierced.
“No, don’t get on your knees,” she said as her face turned brilliant red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry; I need to go.”
“Wait, what was your name again?” I asked.
But it was too late; she had already taken off down the hallway and wasn’t looking back. For a wild child, this girl seemed to be pretty shy. It was fun, though. I liked how embarrassed she had gotten from my remark. Her cheeks had flushed red and her pretty, blue eyes had glazed over as she tried to think of something to say in the situation. I couldn’t wait until the next time I saw her and could bring up the moment, just to get her to blush.
The women that typically hit on me were full of confidence and didn’t get embarrassed. They would show up at my parties with the sole purpose of getting into my bed. Certainly, they weren’t embarrassed then if I made a comment about their bodies, or even joked with them about sexual things. Those girls wanted to wow me with how open they were and how much they thought a night with them would make me addicted to them. Little did they know that every girl before them had pretty much done the same thing.
It had been a very long time since I had been around a woman who had turned red faced and shy. I liked it. I liked feeling like there was something special and different about this girl – something that might keep me interested, at least while I was at the treatment facility. Women bored me easily, at least the ones who I spent time around normally.
“Her name is Cassidy,” the nurse behind the counter said.
“Thanks.”
“Mr. Levy, let me get you settled into your room,” Mr. March said as he tried to guide me away from the nurses’ station.
It wasn’t worth arguing with the man, so I followed him toward my room. My one suitcase had already been dropped off there and it looked like someone had gone through my things. There was a clear bag sitting next to my suitcase and several items from my suitcase had been placed in there.
“What’s this?” I asked as I tried to keep my temper in check. “You just go through people’s things like that?”
It was then that I noticed there was a security guard standing in the corner; he seemed to have been waiting for us to arrive. He wasn’t all that big of a man, but he certainly didn’t look like the kind of guy you wanted to mess with.
I had often hired men like him to work at my parties. They looked like normal guys, but had fierce skills in protecting the people they were hired to keep safe. I assumed he was probably an ex-police officer or something like that. He had that firm, unemotional look about him that intimidated me. But of course, I couldn’t let on that I cared who he was at all.
“Mr. March, I found about two grams of cocaine, a small bag of marijuana, cigarettes, and ten shot-sized containers of alcohol. Also removed the shoelaces, belts, and hoodies strings from all the clothing.”
“What the hell!” I yelled as I looked between the two men.
I wasn’t getting my drugs back and I knew it. But my desperation took over in the moment. They were taking away my lifeline. I certainly hadn’t expected to use my drugs very much, just enough to keep focused and help make it through the first few days. But they were ruining all my plans.
“Mr. Levy, you’re here to get help and so is everyone else. We can’t have these substances in the facility,” Mr. March explained.
“What about my damn shoelaces? How the hell am I supposed to go for a run?”
“Mr. Levy, for the safety of yourself and all the others on t
he unit, we can’t have any items that are dangerous and potentially lethal to a suicidal patient.”
I understood the reasoning; it’s not like I was a total idiot or anything, I just hated the feeling of being told what to do. I had never really done well under authority, but I had promised Spencer I didn’t have a problem. If I threw a fit and left after only an hour, I surely couldn’t convince anyone that I had control over my behavior.
It took everything I had inside of me to keep from turning into a giant asshole though. They didn’t know me well enough to be stealing all my things. They didn’t know that I would never harm myself, at least not on purpose. As I took a few deep breaths, I knew that I couldn’t stay if I didn’t calm down. People who acted like out of control maniacs weren’t looked at all that kindly. So, I finally breathed out a long sigh as I gave in to them.
“Fine.”
“Mr. Levy, I’ll have one of the staff get you some elastics for your shoes. They are quite ingenious, actually. Hold your shoes together and you don’t have to tie them at all.”
“Whatever. Can I have some time to myself now?”
“Sure, Officer Pinter and I will head out for now. Please let the nurses or your unit technician know if you need anything. We will do our best to make you as comfortable as possible.”
“Sure you will.”
There was nothing about this situation that seemed like it was going to be comfortable. Although I didn’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol, I had become pretty accustomed to using both on a daily basis. I had only brought a small supply so I could wean myself off of the stuff and wouldn’t have to go through difficult withdrawals.
They didn’t understand how hard it would be to just stop cold turkey, or they didn’t care. I wasn’t trying to keep using forever; I simply wanted a tapering off period. After my hospital stay, I knew I couldn’t go more than a couple days without a little something. But if I just used a tiny bit over the first few weeks, I knew the withdrawals would be so much more tolerable.