“You really are dense if you think ten days at a treatment facility is going to fix all your emotional issues.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t have emotional issues. I was just talking about my drug and alcohol use.”
Cassidy was annoyed with me. She had moved toward the mi
ddle of the pool and she stood straight up while she talked to me. It was clear we were no longer flirting with each other.
“So, you drank yourself into a pool and drowned, but you did it for the fun of it? You don’t have any emotional issues that you need to work through? You’re ridiculous.”
She didn’t give me a chance to answer her questions and instead stormed off to a lounge chair on the other side of the pool by Melanie. It was clear that our little flirting session was officially over.
No, I didn’t have mental issues. How dare she try and put that crap on me. I wasn’t crazy. I just liked to party and it got out of hand sometimes. Maybe she wasn’t use to people getting better as quickly as I was, but I didn’t have all that shit to deal with like other people did. I didn’t need the emotional lovey-dovey stuff that others needed. I had been alone for years and I liked it that way.
Actually, I had even been thinking about reaching out to my brother and my father to try to find some sort of peace with them, just because of what Stan had said in group. I didn’t like the tension in my family and wanted to just make one last effort to heal things between us. If my efforts didn’t work, that was fine, but at least I could say that I tried to mend our relationship.
So, how could Cassidy say I had emotional issues? She didn’t know me at all. She didn’t know I was humble and could reach out to my family. And she obviously didn’t know my family hadn’t even bothered to worry about me when I had been pulled out of a pool almost dead. She needed to keep her opinions to herself if she didn’t know what she was talking about.
I climbed out of the pool and wrapped the towel around me as I made my way back inside. One of the technicians from the locked unit helped me back onto my unit and I went straight to the telephones. Cassidy didn’t have a clue who I was. I would prove it by calling my brother right at that moment.
“Hello,” a man’s voice answered when I called Heath.
“Heath?”
“No, it’s Robert.”
My stomach churned as my Dad answered the phone. I wanted to talk to Heath; I wasn’t sure I was ready to actually talk to my father. Heath was always the one I talked to when I called back home. But I remembered that Heath got a new house and the number I had was for my Dad’s house.
“Hey, Dad, it’s Erik.”
“How you doin’?” he asked.
“I’m good. I’m at a treatment center in Aspen for a few weeks. I’ll be here through Christmas time.”
“That’s good.”
“Are you and Heath doing anything for Christmas?”
“Same as last year.”
Guilt flashed through me as I remembered how I had canceled coming home to visit them last year. Instead, I threw a party at my house and drank myself into passing out in my bed with two young ladies whose names I didn’t even know. It certainly hadn’t been the best Christmas ever.
“Okay, well, I just wanted to check in. Tell Heath I called,” I said in an effort to get off of the phone. The uncomfortable feeling I had was overwhelming and I felt like it was getting harder and harder to breath.
“What is the name of the place you are at again?”
“Paradise Peak. It’s in Aspen, Colorado. You guys could come visit if you wanted,” I added before I could stop myself.
“Well, how would we afford something like that? Are you just trying to rub it in that you have money and we don’t?” he asked angrily.
I could feel his blood pressure rising through the phone and I knew I needed to get off the call. Out of all the conversations my father and I had had over the last few years, this one was one of the best. I felt it driving off course, though, so I ended it.
“It’s okay, I’ll see you when I get out. I’ll talk to you later, Dad. Tell Heath I called,” I said and then quickly hung up.
My chest hurt horribly and I went back to my room and tried to take a few deep breaths. My vision blurred as I steadied myself against the wall and tried to calm myself down. It shouldn’t have to be so damn hard to talk to your own family. I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t say “I love you” when I talked to my own father.
“Are you all right?” Cassidy asked as she stood in the doorway with a towel wrapped around her. “I’m sorry if I was rude to you. That was more about me than it was you.”
My adrenaline was up. I felt my blood throbbing through my system and as I looked at Cassidy’s erect nipples, I had to touch them. I had to get some sort of relief from the tension that had built up in my body.