Groups no longer stressed me out. I knew what I wanted to get out of them, and for the first time, I had started to really think about attending AA meetings when I got home. Even though I wasn’t a religious man, I had started to rely on the input and support of others and could really see how that would help me as I remained sober.
It was a great day, and I liked that Cassidy wasn’t around, although I couldn’t wait to see her again. What we had started was unusual and taboo, but I didn’t care. There was something powerful between us, and for whatever reason, we had been brought together.
I was more focused than I had been even in the previous week. Now, I was only a few short weeks away from going home and I had to work as much as I could to take advantage of my time there. Some of my work came from working out in the gym, though, and not just sitting in groups.
The weights and treadmill were a great way of blowing off steam, and I started to see how people became addicted to working out. There was a definite high that came with getting your heart rate up. It was like the effect of a drug, but with no down side. Instead of causing harm to your body, working out was actually making me stronger and healthier. I loved every second of it.
When Cassidy showed up for work the following day, I felt like a teenager. She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. We kept our distance and didn’t stop to talk much during the first half of the day. I knew she had work to do; she knew I had work of my own to do. But just seeing her and how she looked at me had me thinking back to that night in my bed.
I wish it had lasted longer. I wished we would have been able to spend the entire night making love. But having her for the time I did was good enough for the moment.
“Come here,” I whispered as I walked back toward my room from group and she came out of the back storage room.
I reached for her and pulled her into a small doorway of the hallway. My hand pressed against her hip as I pulled her close to me. Instantly, my whole body was aroused and wanting her naked in bed again. I couldn’t help myself as I leaned in and let my lips touch hers quickly before I released her to go about her work.
“That’s it?” she teased.
“For now,” I replied.
It was true, it was only a taste of all I wanted to do with her again and again. But after our moment together, I felt renewed and like I had been given a jolt of adrenaline that would get me through the rest of the day.
She hurried off back to work, and I went on to my room. My thoughts were filled with her and only her. If there was ever a woman who could match me in wit and sarcasm, it certainly was Cassidy. Not to mention she was damn beautiful, too.
The way her red hair had draped down onto the bed as I climbed on top of her – oh, I would never forget that sight as long as I lived. Her porcelain clear skin, the curve of her breasts, even the scent of her naked body below me was etched into my memory like a dream.
Later that day, as Cassidy got ready to leave, I thought about grabbing her to pull her into my room. It was too daring, though, and I couldn’t risk getting her in trouble. Instead, I watched as she walked away and turned for a brief moment to look at me. That was it; right there in that moment, I knew I was head over heels for this woman.
“Be careful,” Brianna said quietly as she came up behind me.
“What?”
“Be careful with your addictions.”
“What do you mean?” I really had no idea what she was talking about.
I was being careful with my addictions. I had been working the program really hard, and if Brianna couldn’t see that by all the groups I was going to, I didn’t know what to tell her. I had things under control.
Brianna walked with me to a couple of chairs off from the main room. She sat down, and I could tell she had something she wanted to share with me. She was a nice girl and had certainly been through a lot, so I humored her and sat with her for a minute. Part of my treatment wasn’t just working on myself, it was learning to be kinder to others and helping them, too.
“About two years ago, I stopped drinking while I was pregnant. I always stopped when I was pregnant, but this time I was much further into my addiction and I had a rough time. Of course, I couldn’t admit that to anyone, so I had to find something to busy myself with. I started going to the gym every morning. They had free daycare.” She laughed. “Free daycare to a stay-at-home mom is really all I needed.”
“Sounds like a good gym.”
“Yes, it was. But I started going for longer and longer. Soon, I was there for three hours a day. I was running, using the elliptical, pretty much every cardio machine possible. But as my time got longer and longer, I started lifting weights. There was this cute guy who made my heart skip a beat every time he was there.”
I wasn’t really sure what this story had to do with me. I wasn’t a young, married mother. I had really just gotten into working out. Nothing about this story seemed to resonate with me.
“Soon, we were coordinating when to work out together. I gave him my number. We talked outside of the gym.”
“Uh oh,” I replied.
I was starting to see where her story was going, but how did it really have anything to do with me?
“Yeah, I had an affair with him. I got wrapped up in the adrenaline I felt when I was at the gym. But when that wasn’t enough, I moved on to him. When that wasn’t enough, I went back to drinking.”
“That sucks.”
“I saw you two the other night. I get it. She’s a beautiful woman and really nice. You are both adults. So, don’t worry, I’m not going to say a word. But don’t lose yourself in this. And don’t cause any trouble for her. I know you don’t see it yet, but she’s a high to you and you’ll keep searching out that high and losing yourself until you get a hold of all your treatment skills.”