“So I hear you own an airline,” I asked Malcolm as we started toward the mountain.
“Not anymore. Technically I’m just on the board of directors now. I sold it.”
“Why?”
“You know, just one of those things,” he said as we continued.
I really didn’t know what else to talk to him about, so we rode in silence for a couple of miles until we got to the base of the mountain. He didn’t seem to want to talk and I wasn’t going to force him.
“Remember to squeeze your thighs and hold the reins tight,” I reminded him.
“Thanks.”
As we made our way up the mountain, I continued to look back at him and Malcolm seemed to be doing a really good job. He was in total control of Buckjoy. Even after months away from riding, I could tell that Malcolm enjoyed it.
“Hey, would you mind if we stopped here for a minute? I think Buckjoy needs a break,” Malcolm said just before we got to the top of the mountain.
“You don’t think he can make it to the top?”
“Nah, he’s breathing pretty heavy.”
Buckjoy didn’t look like he was breathing heavy to me, but I knew that Malcolm was much more familiar with the horse than I was and I didn’t want to risk it. If they needed a break we could certainly stop for a little bit. We had made really good time getting up there and it was only a little after noon.
“Sure,” I responded as I pulled Bambi toward a tree that he was tying Buckjoy too.
“Can we talk?” he asked with a serious look on his face.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“I need you to know that all my time with you was real. I know you feel like I was lying and I tricked you, but I need you to know that everything between us was one hundred percent me and you. Yes, my real name is Malcolm. Yes, I was placed here to protect my life while I waited to testify. There were lies that I had to tell for my safety and I thought about telling you the truth on several occasions.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“To be honest, because I was selfish. I wanted that time with you and I didn’t want to ruin it. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being upset and I didn’t want to waste the short amount of time I was at the ranch by arguing.”
“Short amount of time?” I questioned.
Malcolm had been at the ranch for just over
a year. It certainly had been plenty of time to tell me the truth, although I actually did understand why he hadn’t been able to. It still hurt though. It hurt that he had left me more than anything else.
I could have gotten over the lying if I had gotten to see Malcolm or at least talk to him after he left. But for months and months I had heard nothing and I was left to deal with losing him just like I would if I had lost anyone else that I was close to.
“Every day I wondered if it would be my last day here with you. I never knew when they would call your father and tell him I had to be ready. I know it’s hard to understand, but I genuinely felt like I could be pulled away at any moment.”
“I need to tell you something too. I mean, if we are being honest with each other?”
“Yes, lay into me. Get angry. Yell. Do whatever you need to do. I can handle it.”
I didn’t actually want to do any of those things. For months, I thought I wanted to yell at him, but I didn’t. What I wanted was for things to go back to the way they had been before. I wanted Garrett back, but I knew that would never happen. Instead, I was sitting there with Malcolm and I had a few things of my own I needed to get off my chest.
“I loved you. I know I didn’t say it and I pretended like I was fine with having a casual fling with you. But I loved you and I should have told you that. I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate you being honest.”
“Another thing,” I started to say and then stopped myself.
Malcolm moved over and sat next to me. He looked longingly into my eyes and for a moment I felt like everything was back the way it was supposed to be. But I knew it wasn’t. I knew he was only there for a moment and would be gone again.