“Oh, I would’ve met you down there, I didn’t realize you were there.”
“No, no, I had to leave. I was supposed to meet Ian there, and he texted to say that he was running a little late because he had to do something. He didn’t say what, though. So I was sitting there, and who walks in but Billy. And he comes over and sits down, and we start talking, and then he tells me how Ian used to sleep with the previous girl that worked there, but then he fired her. I’m not sure why he fired her. But that doesn’t really matter. What matters is the fact that he’s basically doing with me the same thing he did with the girl before!”
“Ew.” Caroline made a face. “That’s not cool.”
“No, it’s not. So I got up and left before he showed up. I don’t even know what to think.” We stopped talking about it when our waitress came over with glasses of water. She asked if we wanted a drink, and I was about to say no, but then Caro ordered us two Thai iced teas.
“We need drinks,” she said when I started to protest. “At least one drink; maybe two.”
“Fine,” I said. Caroline ordered her food, too, but I decided to just stick with the drink. I didn’t think I’d be able to stomach anything else right now.
After the waitress left, Caroline leaned her elbows on the table and rubbed her eyes. “I told you,” she said. “I knew there was a reason I didn’t like him.”
“I can’t believe I was so stupid. I mean, I fell for him hard. And all of that shit he was saying. It’s pathetic. I hate myself.”
She smiled and patted my arm. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. He is hot—I’ll give him that much—and sometimes it is hard to resist a handsome face. But at least you found this out now before it got any further.”
I winced. “Um, yeah . . . That’s the other thing. I kind of didn’t mention it to you.”
She gave me a suspicious look. “What?”
“I lost my virginity to him.”
“You did? When? Why didn’t you tell me? Holy shit, Daisy!” Now she was smiling. “Congrats!”
“No, not congrats!” I hissed, looking around to see if anyone had overheard her, though it’s not like they’d know what we were talking about. “And I was going to tell you, but then you started going on about how you didn’t like him. I wanted to tell you, trust me. Really, though, I should have listened to you from the beginning and maybe none of this would have happened.” Again, I could feel the tears stinging the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them back. I didn’t know how many more times I’d be able to successfully do that.
“It’s okay,” Caroline said. “I mean, I wish you had told me before, but I’m glad you’re telling me now.”
“I thought it had actually meant something!”
“Was it good?”
Before I could answer, our waitress reappeared with our drinks, which I gladly took a long gulp from.
“Yeah, it was really good,” I said. “It was better than I ever imagined it would be.”
“How many times did you do it?”
How many times had it been? I’d sort of lost count. Her eyes widened. “You’ve had sex with him so many times already that you’ve lost track? Geez, I’ll say it must be good.”
“Yeah, it’s good because he’s obviously so experienced with it because he apparently fucks every secretary he brings in there! I can’t believe I let this be my first time. What was the point in waiting so long if this is how it was going to be?”
Caroline was shaking her head, though. “No,” she said. “Don’t feel bad about it. The sex was really good, right? That’s really what matters. Remember my first time? With Sam Hutton? It lasted all of three seconds, after it took him about five minutes to finally get it in.”
We both laughed, which felt good.
“I know, you’re right,” I said. “But I just feel played or something. Not that he was really making me any promises, but . . . I really liked him. Like, a lot. And I felt like there was this connection between us—” I stopped, clapping my hand over my mouth.
“What?” Caroline said. She twisted around. “Don’t tell me he’s here.”
“No, no, he’s not. It’s what I just said. Or was starting to say.”
“Liking him a lot?”
“Yeah, and having this connection. I basically sounded like Noah. That’s all shit that Noah has said to me before, and I thought he sounded crazy. That he’s obviously imagining all this stuff, because there’s no connection there. And that’s exactly what I’m doing with Ian!”
It was really rather disconcerting to realize this. But I felt so burned by this thing with Ian because I thought that there was something special between us—that’s what my feelings had been telling me, anyway. Really, though, how did that make me any better than Noah?