I laughed. “Well, it just seems like you are on Jet's side.”
“No, darling. That isn't the case at all.”
“Then why do you want me to talk to him?”
“Look, Natalie. What happened was shitty; there is no doubt about it. But I think maybe you're being a little too hard on Jet. Katie, I think, is the one who is at fault here, and maybe Jet shouldn't have let her fawn all over him, but I don't think this is a case of cheating at all. She did something wrong, Jet just happened to be there. You haven't directed any of your anger toward her at all, even though she did the kissing. Instead, you won't even talk to Jet. Don't you think you have tortured him enough? Let's be honest, all guys make mistakes, but I think he's paid his penance, don't you?”
“I don't know. I just don't want to go through what I did with Tom again.”
“I don't blame you, but I don't think that's what happened here at all. I think that you have this picture in your head of walking in on Tom and Lisa, and you think it’s the same thing as Thanksgiving, and it's not. Tom was a willing participant in that, and he stayed with Lisa afterward. Jet didn't cheat on you, and he's still trying to work things out with you. Isn't that worth something?”
I put my head in my hands. “Oh God, I just don't know what to do. I'm so messed up.”
“It's okay, Natalie. You don't have to figure everything out right now. It's okay to wait until your head clears. I'm just worried you're throwing away a good thing for the wrong reasons.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jet is crazy about you, and I think you know that. Do you really want to lose him
over the fact that some girl he doesn't even like kissed him?”
“She's so beautiful. I don't understand why he doesn't want her.”
“Natalie, you're beautiful too. He wants you because you are beautiful, and you're smart and talented. Katie doesn't have anything on you. Yeah, she may be a tough girl that all the boys like, but she isn't you, and I think she learned that the other night.”
I smiled. “Thanks, you're the best.”
“Anytime, girl. Just remember that you deserve to be happy, and that means you deserve to be with a guy like Jet. Cut the guy some slack. At least hear him out, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Now, I was kind enough to run you a hot bath after I got out of the shower, so grab your wine and go relax.”
“That's the best thing ever. Thanks, Julie.” I hugged her again and picked up my wine glass. I was going to sit in that hot bath and not think of a single thing for the rest of the night.
The second round of the nationals for Jet was that night, and it was all I could think about. I knew it was a special night for him, but I just couldn’t bear to go and watch him with things the way they were between us. I didn’t know what I to do, and I struggled all day during my classes. At that point I was not even sure it would do him any good to see me there; it could throw him off his game, confuse him so that he missed something important. But I was also torn by the idea that if I didn't go, he could lose as well. People under stress behave far differently than usual, and maybe Jet wouldn’t be able to concentrate properly without me ringside, cheering him on. Those were the thoughts that haunted me for an entire day.
As I was crossing campus on my way home, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to find Katie standing behind me, looking guilty and rather stupid.
I lashed out immediately. “Oh God, what the hell do you want? Don't you think you have done enough?”
“Take it easy, Natalie.”
“No, I am not going to take it easy. You have no right even coming up to me. What could you possibly have to say to me at this point?”
“How about, ‘I'm sorry?’”
“I couldn’t care less. Sorry from girls like you hardly ever means anything.”
“What do you mean, girls like me?”
I rolled my eyes. “I mean the kind of girl who would pursue a guy when she knows he has a girlfriend. The kind of girl who would kiss him at a dinner he was at with his girlfriend. That's the kind of girl I'm talking about.”
“Okay, maybe I deserved that. But I really am sorry, and I'm not the bad person that you think I am. I have just been in love with Jet for half my life, and to be honest, I thought at one point we would get together. When you came into the picture, I sort of lost it, and the idea of losing him completely really hurt me. So I was determined to do anything I had to in order to win him from you.”
I was shocked by her honesty and I couldn't help but feel terrible about the fact that she loved someone she could never have. That wouldn't have been a very good feeling, and maybe Katie was right. Maybe you could go crazy at the idea of losing someone you really wanted.
“Look, I know that you hate me, and I understand that. Maybe you will never be able to forgive me and that's fine. But I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for my behavior.”
I nodded. “Okay, you told me. Thank you.”
“Natalie, you really should go to the fights tonight. I know you and Jet haven't been talking yet, but I know he would really like you to be there.”