“Dad needed everything to be perfect. And I… perfect sounded awful to me. Perfect was boring and dull and completely uninteresting.”
“Sounds like a difficult house to grow up in,” Zoey said softly.
“You have no idea…”
“What about your mother?” she asked. “Did she act as a buffer between your dad and you?”
“You would think,” I sighed. “But she was only ever interested in getting his approval. She wanted to make him proud and happy, and the only way to do that was to take his side and always agree with him. So she did… even when it came to me. I think over the years her own beliefs and opinions slowly got stripped away and now she’s just the female version of my father. Everything that was interesting about my mother, he took too.”
“Devlin…”
She didn’t say anything more. She just said my name and then put her hand on top of mine. I raised my gaze to hers, and our eyes met for a brief second that felt like an eternity. I wanted to do so many things at that moment. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to paint her. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to tell her the truth about me. I wanted to tell her that she was the only woman who had ever made me feel so… whole.
“What do you need?” she asked, taking me by surprise.
“What?”
“You seem stressed,” Zoey said. “And you told me that whenever you’re stressed, you have a party and you feel better…”
“Well yes… but—”
“Have a party,” Zoey said immediately. “And release all that stress you have inside you.”
“But—”
“We are compromising,” Zoey said before I could speak. “You haven’t had a party this whole week. I think it’s only fair that you have one tonight.”
“But you need to study,” I pointed out.
“I can study at the library,” Zoey said. “I just want you to have a good time tonight.”
It was so unbelievably kind of her that for a moment I really did almost lean in and kiss her. She gave me a smile and then went back to her room to collect her things. When she came back out, she had her book bag and her coat with her.
“I don’t have to have a party tonight,” I told her.
She came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “I want you to,” she said. “You’ve been very understanding about what I need so I need to be understanding about what you need.”
“You are… amazing,” I breathed fervently.
She smiled. “Have fun.”
Why was this woman so good to me? How on earth was I supposed to resist her when she made me feel so… complete? But I was starting to think that even if I could have her, maybe I should stay away from her anyway. The truth was she was amazing… and I was nothing but a loser… a disappointing son, a failed artist and a drug dealer who had broken every promise he had made.
And Zoey deserved better than that.
18
Zoey
It was a nice, calm Thursday night and I was just leaving the library when a call came in on my phone. It was on silent, but I felt the vibration through my thin jacket and reached into my pocket to retrieve it. I glanced down and saw that it was Seth calling.
“Hi,” I said.
“Can you please tell me what happened?” Seth asked, for the hundredth time in as many days.
“Nothing,” I said, refusing to out his girlfriend.
Obviously, Cory hadn’t told him what had happened between us and I didn’t want to piss her off further by tattling. Of course, I didn’t think of it as tattling, but Cory certainly would, and I didn’t want to give her more reasons to hate me. I had to tread carefully here. I couldn’t just assume that Seth would see my side of things. I couldn’t just assume he would choose me over Cory. I didn’t know how strong their connection went and I didn’t want to risk my relationship with my brother. I loved him too much for that.