“Hmm?”
“What was he like… in the station?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Seth asked.
“I mean… did he seem like a decent guy?” I asked. “Was he arrogant or indifferent or uncaring? Did he work hard or was he just biding time because he was forced to be there?”
Seth cocked his head to the side and thought about his answer for a while. “Honestly… I thought he was a genuinely decent guy,” Seth admitted, and I felt just a little better even though it really shouldn’t have mattered to me at this point. “He was out of place in the station… mostly because the guys were always hard on him, but he kept his head down and got the work done… and he got the work done well.
“I kind of felt bad for the guy to be honest,” Seth continued. “He reminded me a little of myself… back when I was using. He seemed a little lost and very lonely. I tried to be something of a mentor to him, but obviously, I didn’t do a very good job.”
“It wasn’t you,” I said. “Devlin’s always been passionate about his work… I think he felt that dealing was the only way he could earn enough money to keep him afloat while he concentrated on his art.”
“Sometimes you’ve got to make a choice,” Seth said. “Even if it means sacrificing something you love.”
“I just wish… he would have been honest with me,”
I said. “Do you know, I’m madder that he lied to me than the fact that he was dealing.”
“Understandable,” Seth nodded. “It’s amazing to me that he thought he could keep this secret from you indefinitely. I mean you were living with him. Did he really think you wouldn’t notice that he was selling drugs… at some point?”
“Not indefinitely,” I said. “He claims that the night he got caught was his last deal.”
“And do you believe that?” Seth asked, looking dubious.
“I want to believe that,” I admitted. “I desperately want to believe that, but it sounds too… convenient doesn’t it?”
“It does,” Seth agreed.
“It’s hard to reconcile the man I know… or at least the man I thought I knew with the man who’s behind bars right now.”
“They held him overnight?” Seth asked.
“Actually no… his father bailed him out,” I admitted. “It took some convincing, but he finally agreed to post bail.”
“And you convinced Devlin’s father to do that for him?” Seth asked.
“I had to. I didn’t have the money to do it myself, and Devlin didn’t either,” I explained. “His parents were the only ones I could turn to, and I was already at their house. I took a shot.”
“But why?” Seth asked. “I mean… he lied to you. He broke all his promises to you… why go through all that trouble for him?”
“Because I love him, Seth,” I said. “That those feelings… well, you can’t just turn them on and off like a faucet. Finding out he lied to me doesn’t make me stop loving him… it just makes me hurt.”
Seth sighed. “I’m sorry, Zo… you deserve better.”
“That’s what Devlin said to me too when I spoke to him last night at the station,” I told Seth. “He seemed… broken somehow. He was different… more sober and serious and filled with… I don’t know what exactly. He told me he knew I had come to break up with him and he thought I was making the right decision.”
“Wow,” Seth said.
“What?”
“He let you go without a fight,” Seth said. “He decided to take the noble route.”
I sighed. “I guess…”
“He loves you.”
“I know that,” I nodded. “It’s weird…”