He kept score on his skin. Lives saved versus lives lost, measuring his worth by the slow creep of ink down his arms.
She’d thought his tattoos beautiful, until she’d learned their meaning.
She sat up, spreading both of her gloved hands across his shoulders. Her hands were too small to blot out more than a small fraction of the design. She wished that she could scrub the black marks off his skin, take away the terrible guilt and pressure he carried with him wherever he went.
“You’re more than just what you can do, Hugh,” she said fiercely. “You don’t have to keep score. I wish you wouldn’t.”
He smiled a little, sadly. “I’m not, and I do. But thank you for the sentiment.”
Oh, how she wanted to show him how much she treasured him. To hold him close and wordlessly tell him over and over that he was loved for himself, not for his talent. She longed to caress every inch of his unblemished skin, until he knew bone-deep that his value wasn’t just marked in black ink.
As if sensing her thoughts, he drew her back down again, tucked her head under his chin. She stretched her arms, hugging him tight. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his bare skin against her cheek, the rapid beat of his heart in her ear.
“I told you about my tattoos because I want you to understand why I can’t mate you, no matter how much I want it,” he murmured.
“You think I’d want you to give up your unicorn?” she said, taken aback that he could even have thought such a thing. “I’d never ask that!”
“Ivy, being a unicorn means shifting in secrecy and endless headaches. God, if that was all it meant, I’d make love to you here and now, and bless you for finally ridding me of the wretched beast. But that’s not all it means. I could give up the unicorn, but I can’t turn my back on the people who need me. The people who will need me in future.”
She ran her thumb over his left shoulder. So many lives owed to his powers. So many more that could be saved.
“I understand,” she said, meaning it with her whole breaking heart. “But Hugh, I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this.”
He laughed a little, his warm breath stirring her hair. “Have you seen yourself, woman? All the crap the world throws at you, and you stride through it all like a damn queen. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. Why do you think I trusted you tonight, when I didn’t trust myself to stop?”
She took a deep breath, bracing herself to reveal her deepest, darkest secret. “Hugh, I touched Hope once.”
He stilled underneath her. “I’m not following.”
“Our mother was always so careful not to leave us alone. Mom thought I was jealous, she was scared I wanted to hurt the baby…but I didn’t. I just wanted to hug my sister. Just once. And one night when I was ten and Hope was two, Mom forgot to lock my door. So I snuck into Hope’s room, and I put my bare hands through the bars of her cot, and I touched her.”
His hand came up to gently stroke her tense back. “That’s understandable. You were a child, Ivy. You didn’t know-“
“I did, Hugh. Mom told me over and over every single day how dangerous it was, how I mustn’t ever go near the baby. I did it anyway. Hope spent eight weeks in intensive care, and when she came out she couldn’t use her legs anymore. She’d been a late developer, but she’d been pulling up, she’d been starting to toddle…and I destroyed all that. She's never walked because of me, Hugh. Because I had one moment of weakness.”
“Oh, God,” he muttered, his tone bitter with self-loathing. “Ivy, I’m so sorry. I never meant—it’s not fair for me to put such pressure on you. I promise, I won’t put you in that position again.”
She was not going to cry. He’d called her the strong one. She was going to be strong for him now, no matter how badly her heart was hurting.
She forced out the words she had to say. “So you still want me to leave?”
“No!” His hands tightened convulsively on her back. “God no. I never wanted you to leave, Ivy. In case you hadn’t worked it out by now, your mate can be a damn idiot sometimes. I was scared to tell you my secret, so I pushed you away instead.”
“Well, you can’t,” she said. “I can’t go, Hugh, not when you’re in danger from Gaze. No matter how hard it’s going to be, I need to be here to protect you.”
His chest muscles stiffened underneath her. “I can take care of myself. A unicorn is fifteen hundred pounds of muscle behind a five-foot spear, not a sparkly pony.”
“All right, Stabby McStabface, don’t get your horn in a twist,” Ivy poked him in the side. “I’m talking about me, not you. I may be just a wyvern, but I’m still a dragon at heart. I can’t leave my treasure unguarded. I’d lose my mind.”
“I’m your treasure?” His voice was softer than she’d ever heard.
“You’re my mate,” she said, simply. “You’ll always be my mate. No matter what.”
Neither of them said anything for a while, holding each other in silence.
“I think it was easier,” Hugh said at last, “when you thought I despised you, and I hoped that you hated me.”
Ivy couldn’t disagree.