They’d agreed she’d come to see him at the office. She wondered if it was because he had work to do or because it was less personal to have this conversation here.
“Hi, Claire.”
“Sierra. Hi,” the other woman said softly, no judgment in her expression. “Mr. Armstrong is expecting you. You can go right in.”
Nerves fluttered again in her belly. “Thank you.” She stepped around the desk and approached his door. She knocked once and stepped in at the “Come in” she’d received in response.
Jason sat at his desk, standing as she entered the room. He did well and his office décor reflected as much, with a large mahogany desk, a plush leather chair with wood-grain accents, and large paintings of the ocean on the wall beside his diplomas.
“Hi.” She clutched her purse tightly in her hand.
“Hi.”
Awkwardness surrounded them, so she forced herself to step forward and sit in one of the client chairs across from his desk. Taking her cue, he strode around the desk and seated himself in the chair beside her.
She took in the lines around his bloodshot eyes. “You look tired.”
“Didn’t sleep much this weekend.”
She managed a nod, her throat too full to speak.
“I did a lot of thinking,” he said.
“Me, too.”
He raised an eyebrow at that and she blushed, glancing away. She didn’t want to discuss her time with Ryder with her ex.
“Look, I just want you to know, I had no way of knowing Ryder was going to interrupt the wedding that way.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t blame you for that.”
But he obviously blamed her for other things, she thought. And maybe rightly so. “I’m sorry I looked at Ryder when I went down the aisle. I didn’t mean to. I was taking in everyone and my gaze landed on him.”
“And when the preacher asked if anyone objected? Are you sorry for turning to him then?”
She blinked and did her best not to flinch at his harsh tone. She needed to own her actions, to accept responsibility. “I didn’t even realize that I had… but yes. Of course I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Look, I promised myself I wasn’t going to fight with you and I’m not. I just… It was embarrassing, Sierra. And it killed me that something inside me knew all along that you belonged to him. That’s why I walked out. Not because of anything you did or didn’t do that day. But because I was the odd man out at my own wedding. And I shouldn’t have been.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I showed up at the church wanting to marry you. But I think we can both admit now that it would have been a mistake. That maybe there were second thoughts neither one of us gave voice to before Ryder did it himself.”
He drummed his fingers on the arms of the chair before speaking. “I hate this. When I had a chance to get over my anger and embarrassment, I was pissed at myself for walking away and not fighting for you when I had the chance. Maybe if I had, if I’d shown you that I–”
Before he could go on, she shook her head, not wanting him to put himself out there and embarrass himself more. Once Ryder had objected, he’d owned her.
She might not have known it at the time, might have been furious, angry, humiliated, and a million more adjectives she couldn’t think of at the moment, but the biggest one was the one she hadn’t known at the time.
Relieved.
She’d been relieved he’d spoken up and put a claim on her at last, because she’d never stopped loving him.
“I’m sorry,” she said, forcing the words over the painful lump in her throat.
She opened her purse and pulled out the bracelet she’d put in a jewelry bag she’d found during her unpacking. Placing it in his hand, she curled his fingers around the beautiful jewelry she’d been proud to wear.
“Jesus,” he muttered. “We can’t try?”
“No,” she whispered.
“You’re with him.”
She hoped to be. She hadn’t left Ryder with any indication, positive or negative, about what she wanted for the future. She’d needed to come to him with a clear path to the future and an even clearer heart.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’ll take care of canceling the movers, returning the gifts… anything else that comes up, just let me know.” She pushed herself to a standing position and he rose to his feet. “I wish you all the best, Jason. And someday you’ll find someone who deserves you.”
She turned and walked out, her heart pounding like a drum, dizziness spinning around in her head. God, that was awful. She’d hated hurting him and he hadn’t deserved what she put him through.
* * * *
Ryder sat in his favorite chair in his family room in the small house he’d bought and renovated for himself. The television was off, leaving him to his own thoughts… and they sucked.