When I left Anchored, I clung to the business card he’d given me as he kissed me goodnight. I went home and immediately looked him up online. He works for a company called Brand First and yes, their website has a picture of him.
And oh, Thorn looks good enough to eat.
Or blow.
Or fuck.
“You liked him,” Christina says. “And he’s a good guy.”
“I know. You keep telling me.” I close the browser on my phone and turn around to Christina. We’re both on break at the same time, which rarely happens. In a few minutes, I’m going to have to go back to my room at the daycare and take care of a group of rowdy, lovable children, but right now I just want to daydream about Thorn.
“You should give him a chance.”
“I’m not submissive,” I shrug. “I appreciate you bringing me to Anchored, but it’s just not for me. He needs someone who can meet those needs and Christina, I’m just not that girl.”
“You’re scared,” she says. “I get that. We all are at first. That doesn’t mean you’re not submissive. It just means you need to get some courage. Would it help if you came back to the club again? Zack and I can pull some strings, try to bring you as a guest again so you don’t have to pay.”
I shake my head. “Thanks, but I don’t think I should go back.”
“Because you don’t want to see Thorn?”
“If I see him, I’m going to want something I can never have. Christina, he was hot as hell.”
“Wait until you see him without his shirt on.” All week, Christina has been pushing me to contact Thorn. Apparently, she’s quite the fan. He’s mysterious and a little bit dangerous, according to her, but he’s a sub favorite at Anchored.
She told me he always plays fair. He’s always kind. He always gives aftercare. He’s gentle and firm at the same time, and he always, always gets his subs off.
I’ve been with so many guys in the past who didn’t care whether I came or not, just as long as they did. I’ve been with people who couldn’t even tell that I hadn’t come. They just had no interest in it at all, but Thorn wasn’t like that.
We only spent an hour together, but he’s all I can think about.
“I’m sure he’s forgotten me by now,” I shake my head.
“Trust me,” Christina says, grabbing her purse and standing to leave. “Anyone who could forget you is an idiot, and Jaxson Thorn isn’t dumb.”
She heads out of the break room and I’m left alone with only my thoughts and the rest of my half-eaten sandwich.
Now that she’s gone, I reflect on what she says, and even though I don’t want to admit she’s right, I know she’s right. Jaxson wouldn’t have given me his number if he didn’t want me to call him. He wouldn’t have spent so much time with me if he didn’t think I was at least a little interesting.
I’ve wrestled with this for days, wondering if I should have texted him right away, if I should have called. I’m such a dork when it comes to dating and unfortunately, I don’t have the best track record. It’s not that any of my relationships have been particularly horrible. They haven’t. It’s just that when it comes to guys, I feel out of my element.
Give me a group of little kids and I can teach them everything they need to know to survive kindergarten. I can teach them to tie their shoes and teach them to read and I can teach them basic safety and first aid skills, but send me on a date with a hot guy?
I forget everything about who I am.
I forget how to function.
“Oh, good, you’re here,” a familiar voice breaks through my thoughts. Carmen, my direct supervisor, comes into the room. I know exactly what she’s going to say before she says it. Carmen doesn’t beat around the bush. She doesn’t make small talk and she doesn’t ask.
She just orders people around.
This is part of how she’s been able to be successful as a daycare manager. She doesn’t take orders or ask for advice. She says how things are going to be, and everyone moves to make sure she gets what she wants.
“I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday,” she tells me. “Destiny can’t come in, so you need to fill in for her.”
When I took this job, it was with the understanding that I would work five days a week. Monday through Friday is more than enough work for one person for one week. I do not need to be taking Saturday hours, too.
Carmen knows I don’t have a family or a boyfriend or a demanding mother. She knows I don’t have people who will miss me if I work on the weekends, so she has no problem picking me as her weekend back-up person, but I’ve asked her several times not to bring me in on Saturdays.