“I’m not hungry,” I half said into my pillow.
“I don’t care. You haven’t eaten for a couple of days. You need some nourishment for your body. You can lay down again after, but for now you must eat,” she said setting a tray down on her lap. I felt her hands as she gave my leg a gentle tug.
With a sigh, I turned onto my back and used my hands to help myself sit up. Ilse smiled softly at me. She used a hand to gently push away the stray hair in my face, before she picked up the tray and moved up the bed, closer to where I sat. I let my arms fall limply between my legs as she spooned up some kind of white lumpy substance and began to feed me. I knew how proud she was, so for her to be doing this must mean that she really cared about me in some way.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly between spoonfuls.
“For what?” she asked, digging the spoon back into the yellow plastic bowl and wiping the excess off on the rim.
“For acting the way that I am. I just miss my friends. I miss Lieve, I miss Betje, I miss Famke, even though I didn’t really know her.”
“You have me though,” she said with a kind smile.
Yes, but for how long? I wondered to myself. I didn’t dare speak the words out loud though. It was pretty damn clear that Luuk liked friendships in his house considerably less than Kerstan. At least he would tolerate it. With the exception of Lieve, who seemed to be his personal project.
Ilse stayed for another ten minutes to finish feeding me before she left with the tray full of dirty bowls, spoons, and an empty glass.
I lay my head down again on the pillow and turned my back to the door once more.
Something had to give soon, or I knew I would antagonize Luuk to the point of his taking me on a car ride.
One that I knew I would never come back from.
Nine
Amity
You’re a fucking genius kid, I thought to myself with a sly grin. I had convinced Kerstan to let me go out into the gardens that night. I think he was so quick to comply because he saw how viciously angry I was at what he had done to Wendeline.
Of course by now he must’ve figured out that I had left the property. I mean the sun was fucking coming up already.
To be honest, I only had one fear with what I had done; that he would hurt Wendeline to get back at me for leaving. I was coming back, but I was coming back with Minnie. I refused to leave her in that new place by herself. I knew that she was a sweet girl and she had probably made a friend or two, but she belonged in my house.
I sighed as I reached one of the main roads in town and put my hands on my hips. It would’ve helped if I knew where I was going, but I’m sure if I said Luuk’s name enough, I would either run into one of his girls or clients. Either way, I’d get to where I was going eventually.
“Lieve?”
I turned around apprehensively and saw a man that looked vaguely familiar. He was giving me a charming smile with his brilliantly white teeth. I could almost swear if this were a cartoon you would hear the *ding* noise from the whiteness of them. His light brown eyes looked into mine and he ran a hand through his dark blonde hair.
“Hi,” I replied curiously, still trying to place him.
“Are you still, um ... You know,” he said cutting his eyes nervously around us.
Must be a former client.
“Yes.”
“You don’t remember me, do you? I was your first ... Um... You know,” he said giving me a lopsided grin.
I rolled my eyes.
“My first paying fuck?” I asked loudly.
An older couple that was walking by turned quickly and eyed us both distastefully before they continued walking. His face turned red with embarrassment as he mumbled a goodbye and started to walk away.
“Wait!” I called out. I walked quickly to catch up to him and put a hand on his arm to stop him. “Sorry. I can be a bit of a bitch sometimes.”
“I’ve noticed,” he replied darkly.