“What’s the least ordered item?” Laura asked. “Start with that.”
“Easy but not so easy,” I said.
“Why?”
“Fish sandwich. It’s just a frozen rectangle of breaded fish we drop in the fryer, nothing special, and those fillets take up room in the freezer. I’d love to get rid of them and introduce something that you couldn’t microwave in forty seconds. There’s only two people that ever order it.”
“Which two?” Laura inquired.
“The mayor, for one thing. Like, do I ever want a food safety inspection to go well again? Do I want to apply for a liquor license? Don’t discontinue the mayor’s favorite.”
‘Who’s the other person?”
“Max Shaffer,” I admitted.
“Oh, you mean Hottie the Lumberjack?” Laura teased. “I think if you offered him a trade, he could say goodbye to the fish sandwich. Give him something better.”
“Like a blow job,” Trixie suggested with a wicked grin.
“Trix, you been spending too much time with me. You never used to talk like that,” Laura laughed. “I’m so proud of you! You were so shy when you and Damon got together.”
“Yeah,” I said, “well, if that were an option, which it isn’t, which one of y’all is gonna blow the mayor for me?” I challenged.
“NOT IT!” they both hollered, and we laughed riotously.
“I’m gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll buy the next round on my way back.”
When I got out of the bathroom, Greg Horseman was waiting outside the door. I tried to brush past him.
“Hey, I been waitin’ on you,” he slurred, scratching his scraggly beard.
“Uh, you needed the ladies’ room? Well, it’s all yours. Have a good night now,” I said, heading out of the hallway.
He grabbed my arm.
“Greg, that’s my arm. Let go of it,” I said through gritted teeth. I tried to pull away, but he held on, his fingers digging into my flesh.
“Now don’t be all stuck up with me now, Rach, we go way back.”
“You tried to feel me up when I was in middle school. That’s not the kind of history you want to bring up with a lady,” I said. “Now let me go before I have to make a scene.”
“Now you wouldn’t do that. Everybody knows you’re a tease in them low cut shirts you wear waitin’ tables. Give Greg a little kiss,” he slurred, hauling me toward him. I kicked at his shin, but it wasn’t very effective. Apparently, the alcohol dulled his senses.
I stepped in toward him, surprising him, and then jerked backward hard enough we stumbled out of the hallway together and back into the crowded bar.
“Let me go,” I said, staggering to keep my balance with his swaying drunkenness dragging on me.
“Hey,” a male voice said, low in warning.
“Hey, Max,” Greg muttered, “you know my girlfrien’? Thish ish Rachel.”
“Get your hands off her,” Max said, his voice like stone.
Greg dropped his hand. I rubbed my arm instinctively and stepped away from him. Max didn’t reach for me, didn’t act like he had some proprietary interest in my body which was very respectful, but I would not have minded a comforting arm around me at that moment. My heartbeat was jittery. I noticed my palms were clammy and I was sweating. He’d scared me more than I thought.
“Are you okay?” Max asked, turning his attention to me. Greg started to turn and walk away.
“Hey, you don’t go anywhere,” Max snapped at him, and Greg halted, only swaying a little. Then Max turned back to me.
“Are you hurt?”
I shook my head. I forced a smile, “No, I’m good. Thanks,” and I turned and went back to my table.
“What the hell was going on?” Laura demanded. “What were you doing in the hall with Horseman?”
“Trying to get away from him. I don’t wanna talk about it,” I said. “I’ll go get the drinks. I forgot to grab them.”
“Nope, wait up,” Trixie said, putting a hand over mine, “Your arm’s red where he had a hold of you. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t want to make a bigger deal about it. It’s embarrassing,” I said.
“Embarrassing for him, maybe,” Laura said. “Want me to arrest him?”
“God, no,” I said.
“Come on, I could get him on public intoxication, disturbing the peace, assault—” Laura listed off. “I’ve even got the Taser in my car.”
“Stop!” I said with a laugh. “It’s fine.”
“Sure looks like Max jumped to your defense,” Trixie offered.
“Hottie Lumberjack didn’t like that drunken asshole putting his hands on you,” Laura agreed. “It was kinda sexy.”
“It was sexy as hell. But he was just being a gentleman because he saw there was a problem. Any guy would’ve done that.”
“There’s like forty other guys here. Nobody else jumped up and offered to rip off Greg’s dick and feed it to him,” Laura said.
“You’re disgusting. No one said anything about that.”
“Well, if you won’t let me arrest him, can I at least rip off his dick? He’s so wasted he won’t notice till tomorrow anyway.”