“We talked about it in great detail last night—all of us except Markus.” He turned his body towards me. “Not everyone is on board.”
“Some are?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
“Charles is, obviously.” He chuckled. “I’m coming around to the idea though.”
“You are, really?” I tilted my head. “You would really agree to a relationship where you had to share your girl?”
“I don’t look at it as sharing—not really. Yeah, that was my first thought as well, but after I’ve had some time to contemplate it, I look at it as more of a union—a union of people with needs.” He nodded and shrugged. “Charles made a good point on a lot of things and what really stuck out to me was the fact that I probably won’t ever have a real relationship or real companionship.”
“Why not? The rock star life is something you are choosing to do.” I looked over at him. “You could find happiness in other ways and have a real relationship. Plenty of rock stars are married.”
“Yes, and plenty are divorced. Those that stay married aren’t always locked in fidelity. There’s a lot of cheating going on, even in what is perceived as a happy marriage. Some just haven’t been caught yet—some have, but the wives just tolerate it because they like the money or they’re cheating themselves and don’t give a shit. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but you don’t see that many rock stars that get married to the first person they fall in love with and remain loyal forever.” He let out a long sigh and I could see there was a bit of pain behind his eyes.
“I guess that’s true everywhere, not just with rock stars.” I knew plenty of normal people that fit those descriptions.
“What is happiness, anyway? Is coming home to the same person and keeping your dick tame when you’re not with them happiness? Is love a magical force that makes you only want one person?” He took a step closer and put his hand around my waist. “Or is happiness just the moment—the experience that you’re craving when the moment comes.”
“You’re getting a little too philosophical for me.” I smiled and put my hand on his.
“Companionship is everything. That’s what I’ve always wanted. No matter how many groupies I fuck, I’ll never have that. I’d give it up if there was one person for me, but the temptations are always going to be there. It is usually my own inadequacies that lead me down that road. I worry that I’m not good enough for the person I’m with and that worry leads to self-loathing which leads to self-destruction. I destroy it because I don’t deserve nice things. I can give a woman the world, but that doesn’t mean I can always be there for them. That is why this arrangement intrigues me, because I do feel like I deserve companionship, but until I considered what Charles Montgomery said, I wasn’t sure I would ever find it.” He leaned towards my neck and kissed it. “I think I could find it with you—I could be loyal to you knowing that when I’m not there, you’re still being taken care of. I wouldn’t feel inadequate.”
“You’re serious?” My body started to tingle as his lips moved along my neck.
“I am.” He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed my breasts as he moved his lips to my ear and ran his tongue along the earlobe.
“I can’t...” I pulled away, fighting against my urges. “I like you, I really do, but I’m not sure about this.”
“I’ll be ready when you are.” He took my hand and then started to guide the hot air balloon around the lake.
I was surprised Dawson took rejection so easily. It made me respect him a lot more. I’m not sure I could have resisted him if he kept pushing. We spent the rest of the date cruising around Lake Michigan. The heat from the balloon was enough to warm us a little bit so it wasn’t as cold as it could have been. I had never seen Chicago from that distance—I had never even flown before. It was a unique experience, and seeing how small the world was beneath us really put things in a different perspective.
We were seven people—seven people among billions that spanned the globe. Almost all of them were hunting the one match that would last a lifetime. I wondered if it was even possible to get it right.
My thoughts were confusing, but when the hot air balloon landed I was questioning whether or not I really could have it all—seven guys who wanted to take care of me and provide companionship. I felt like I needed to talk to Markus. We rode back to the Seven Roses mansion and walked through the doors hand in hand, with the film crew still complaining about our disappearing act until we were inside.
“I need to talk to Markus.” I turned towards Dawson. “Today has been great and you’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I understand.” He smiled and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Take the time you need.”
“I THOUGHT PULLING YOU into a hallway was a good way to get you alone—apparently Dawson’s game is on a whole different level.” Markus was outside on the patio, drinking a beer and reading a book when I found him.
“We need to talk about last night.” I sat down beside him.
“Is this the part where it gets awkward?” He put down his book and looked over at me. “Last night was special.”
“It was and it always will be, but I need to know how you feel about the arrangement. Are you really interested in this or were you just interested in me?” I put my hand on his. “There is no wrong answer here and I promise I won’t be upset.”
“Both—I guess.” Markus sighed. “That’s the most honest answer I can give you. You understand that my job requires me to be away. It makes relationships difficult. Last night was a gift. It was a beautiful moment, but I can’t give you that every night. There will be times when you won’t even know where I am.”
“Dawson said something similar.” I nodded and leaned against his shoulder. “I’m not sure I know what the right answer here is myself.”
“What feels right?” He ran his hand along my arm. “What do you really want?”
“I’m just not sure.” I looked over at him.
“Let’s try something.” He took me by the hand. “Go upstairs to your room. I’ll be up shortly.”
“You mean...?” I raised my eyebrows and smiled. “Like last night?”