totally broken.
Losing my virginity had been a liberating experience. When we were together and I saw the desire resonating in their stares, I truly believed we could weather any storm. I wanted to believe in forever. I never imagined myself falling for two men that wanted to share me, but I had. Every day that passed pulled me further away from the darkness that once consumed me. I no longer needed a drink to numb the pain. Sex provided a new version of euphoria, and it made me feel things alcohol never had. If I could get out of my own head and let them finally vanquish my fears, then I would no longer care about the past. I no longer had a bleak future ahead of me. My life was on track and no longer stuck on pause. They took me to heaven every night, and I didn’t want it to end.
“Good morning, beautiful!” Harlan looked up at me as I stumbled into the kitchen and walked towards the coffee pot.
“How are you so chipper? It’s Monday.” I shook my head at him in disbelief.
“Here, I’ll get that for you.” Gabe poured a cup of coffee and handed it to me.
“It was a great weekend.” Harlan chuckled and smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be happy?”
“Because it’s over?” I sat down at the table across from him. “Because we didn’t get much sleep at all?”
“Sleep is overrated.” Gabe put his hands on my shoulders and started to massage them. “We like staying up all night with you a lot more.”
“I hope you got your fill last night, because I’ve got a long week ahead of me.” I moaned as Gabe hit a tight spot between my shoulder blades. “I’ve got so many assignments I can barely keep them straight.”
“We’ll help you.” Harlan nodded quickly and reached for his coffee cup. “Obviously we can’t do your assignments, but we can help you study, do some research—whatever.”
“Oh?” I tilted my head to the side and grinned. “Do you think you could keep your hands off me that long?”
“I’ll give it the old college try.” Harlan chuckled and sipped his coffee.
“Believe it or not, Harlan was actually a pretty good student. I wouldn’t have made it through college without him.” Gabe stopped massaging my shoulders and sat down next to me.
“Okay, I’m not going to turn down some help.” I sipped my coffee and put the cup back down. “That isn’t the only thing on my agenda this week, though. I’m supposed to meet Abby in a few days, and I’m sure that will be a late night.”
“You’re not going to use your fake ID and sneak into a bar, are you?” Gabe narrowed his eyes at me.
“Probably—she did mention getting a drink.” I shrugged.
“Is that a good idea?” Harlan tilted his head to the side.
“I’ll probably just have water.” I shrugged again. “I haven’t been in the mood for alcohol much lately.”
“Good. Do you think she’s going to ask you to be her Maid of Honor?” Harlan raised his eyebrows inquisitively.
“More importantly, though—can you get a plus two instead of a plus one?” Gabe leaned back in his chair and chuckled.
“That might be a little difficult.” I put my hand to my mouth as I thought about trying to explain our relationship to Abby. “Not as difficult as it will be if I ever try to explain it to my mother.”
“It’s okay.” Harlan leaned across the table and took my hand. “What we have is beautiful, but we can keep it private. Gabe can be the face of our relationship.”
“I guess that would be easier than telling either of them that I’m involved with some guy that used to hang out with my dad.” I chuckled and grinned.
“Plus, I’m filthy rich.” Gabe folded his arms across his chest. “I’m a catch.”
“Hey!” Harlan narrowed his eyes in mock anger, but then smiled. “No, it’s the right thing to do.”
“Thank you.” I squeezed Harlan’s hand. “I do want to repair things with my mom. I didn’t realize how much I would miss her and my little sister once I moved out.”
“You should go see them today.” Gabe nodded quickly. “Family is important. You’ve got one that loves you.”
“Yeah.” Harlan nodded as well. “Talking on the phone isn’t enough, trust me. Plus, you can invite them over for the holidays.”
We finished breakfast and I headed off to school. I felt the weariness of the weekend when I sat down and opened my book in my first class. I really was functioning on much less sleep than I was used to, although the quality was better since I wasn’t passing out every night in a drunken haze. I got another cup of coffee after my first class and finally started to wake up. The classes went by in a blur and before I knew it, I was right back at home working on my assignments. College was a lot more difficult than high school, and after spending two years outside of the classroom, it wasn’t an easy transition. The main thing that kept me going was the support system I had with my two wonderful men.
“Hi, Mom.” I smiled when she opened the door.