“Yeah.” She puts her hand on her stomach and smiles. “I truly can’t wait.”
Kiana doesn’t seem upset that she can
’t have dinner with her husband. She seems genuinely happy to spend time with me. I know I am. I was such an idiot for so long and am damn lucky I didn’t permanently ruin our relationship. Like Ainsley, I didn’t see the value in what I had until it was almost gone, and I let my insecurities spill over on those who loved me most of all. I didn’t see the light until it was too late to repair everything. She’s been saved from the worst of it, provided that she means what she says.
“I know this is a touchy subject, but I’m going to ask anyway.” Kiana leans back in her chair. “Are you doing okay?”
“What do you mean?” I raise an eyebrow.
“You were drinking quite a bit at the Halloween party. You started smoking again.” She sighs. “I promise I’m not trying to be a nag; I care about you.”
“I’m okay, Kiana.” I reach over and pat her hand. “Yeah, it’s been a rough year, but I’m getting to a much better place now.”
“Yeah, it’s been rough for everyone.” She sighs and starts to tear up. “It’s just that… I spent so long without really having you in my life. The way I needed you at least, and I don’t want to lose you now that we’re able to do things like this.” She motions to my desk. “When was the last time we could sit, have a meal together, and talk like adults?”
Pregnancy hormones. I’d recognize that mood swing from a mile away.
“Kiana, you aren’t going to lose me. I promise.” I squeeze her hand and ride it out until her emotions finally stabilize. “I made a lot of mistakes. I’m glad we’re able to do things like this too.”
I could probably ease her mind a little more if I tell her I’m seeing someone, but I’m not ready for the questions that would come. She’s let it slip not too long ago that Janie is. I pretended not to hear it when I saw the panic in her eyes, but it felt like a knife in the gut. What I’m saying to her is true. I was in a dark place and would’ve had to lie about it if we were having this conversation a few weeks ago, but now I can genuinely say that I’m happy.
There’s a reason for that.
Her name is Ainsley.
The week drags on like molasses, but Friday provides me with enough invigoration to make it through the day. Everything is finalized for my weekend with Ainsley, and I asked her three times for confirmation that her mother was aware she wasn’t coming home. I don’t miss the irony in the fact I’m having to ask my date if her mom knows she won’t be home, but I allow myself to ignore it. I feel like I have something special with Ainsley, and if I keep dwelling on the reasons we can’t be together, I’ll never get out of my own way so it can happen.
I get to my apartment with plenty of time to spare. While I’m looking forward to spending as much time as possible here with Ainsley, I also have some other things planned. An actual date, for starters. That got skipped entirely, and when I made dinner for her, we ran into other issues along the way. I want this weekend to be romantic. I want to sweep Ainsley off her feet. She’s hinted enough that I’m aware of what she wants to do when we get here. I want that too. I want us to have enough time to form a genuine connection along the way.
I’ve been married before, so I’m aware of how complicated a relationship can be. There are stumbles, hurt feelings, and things to work through. The fire that burns behind closed doors isn’t enough to make it last forever, especially if that’s all you have. Sadly, my best friend’s relationship with my daughter is a better example of a good relationship than the one I had with my ex-wife. Those are mistakes I don’t want to make again.
Preventing those mistakes begins with a foundation that we can build our relationship on. It can’t be grounded in a fantasy. Those are fine if they are what Ainsley needs, but I have needs too. Needs that go beyond the fire, needs that go beyond the things that we share in the bedroom. I hope she can see that. Hell, I hope she needs it too.
There’s so much life for both of us to live if we just embrace it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ainsley
From the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. All in a matter of a week. I was facing the very real possibility of being homeless, and I deserved to be, but now my life is on a completely different path. I’m counting my days until I start college again. My mom couldn’t be happier for me right now. Kicking me out is the last thing on her mind since I’m finally showing signs of doing something with my life.
She didn’t even give me grief when I told her I would be away for the weekend. I didn’t share everything, and she didn’t ask. She was glad that I told her up front. I never realized it could be this easy to get along with her. She has always wanted the best for me, and I fought her at every turn until she put her foot down.
I’ll have to remember that if I’m ever blessed with a child who acts like me. Chances are, it’ll be my penance for putting her through hell.
Now I’m on my way to see Lawson. He told me to wear something nice, so I did. My mom probably knows I’m going out on a date. She has to. I’d never leave the house looking like this unless I had somebody to impress. If she got that far, then she probably realizes what else is going to happen, considering that I left with an overnight bag.
Thank god she didn’t give me the talk, but I would have listened if she did. I’m learning to respect her a lot more than I have in the past.
My entire body is buzzing with excitement when I make it to the city and park in front of Lawson’s apartment building. I can’t wait to see him again. I gather my things and make my way to his floor. I barely get a chance to knock before he opens the door.
“Wow!” My eyes get wide when I see him standing in front of me in a suit. “You look fancy!”
“You look gorgeous.” He pulls me into his arms and presses his lips to mine.
An explosive kiss. The perfect way to officially begin our weekend together. I drop my bag by the door and melt into his arms. This is where I belong. The rest of the world can fade away for a little while, and we can exist in the part we carve out for ourselves.
I’m out of breath and gasping for air when our lips finally part. My head is spinning. My body is buzzing with even more excitement than I had when I pulled into the parking lot.