“I think I just want the vodka in a glass.” My lips started trembling and a chill ran through my body.
Nobody knew about that profil
e, not even Gina. I had never opened that portion of my life to anyone. It was a fascination that had always been in the back of my mind, and I didn’t even know where it came from. One of the earliest memories I had of it intriguing me was watching a friend get a birthday spanking. It set something off inside me that stayed there until I was away at college where a stray click on the Internet took me to a website about domination and submission. I did some roleplaying with a few Doms and had one that I talked to on a regular basis until I graduated and moved back home. I hadn’t even logged in since then. I was too shy and scared to meet someone in real life. I certainly wasn’t going to tell anyone about it. It was a fantasy that I thought I would forget when I eventually met someone.
“Here you go.” Angelina put the glass in my hand and walked back to her chair. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I don’t? The woman who brought me a man that I thought I was going to fall head over heels for knows something about me that I never wanted revealed!” I sipped the vodka and then guzzled it until the glass was almost empty.
“I’m not going to share this secret with anyone. Like I said, you’re my client now as well.” Angelina tilted her head to the side. “I know you’ve never acted on any of this, regardless of how much you wanted to.”
“How do you know that?” I felt the alcohol settling into my stomach and it didn’t mix well with the panic that was already there.
“Because I leave no stone unturned. I turn them over, examine them, hold them, and sometimes I make them whisper all of their secrets to me.” The smile returned to Angelina’s face. “And right now, your stone—Mr. MasterDom4u is already in Bakersfield.”
“What the fuck?” The contents of my stomach came dangerously close to being expelled on the rub beneath my feet. “You brought him here? This crosses the line, Angelina!”
“I don’t like lines.” She smirked. “What would have happened if I let you live out that happy fairy tale with Nate? He’s not interested in any of this stuff. He would never spank you, punish you, or do any of the filthy things you talked about online.”
“It was just for fun—it was pretend.” I shook my head back and forth. “I don’t need that to be happy.”
“There’s something funny about human beings. It’s easy to believe that the next step is the only one you need. Ask a man who sitting on the street corner next to a cardboard box what he needs and he’ll probably tell you he just wants food—or maybe booze. Give him that and his needs will change. He’ll want a warm jacket or maybe a soft place to sleep. Once the needs are met, the wants start to gnaw at you.” Angelina nodded. “That’s when happy people do awful things. They cheat on their spouses, steal a little money from their employer because it’s just a drop in the bucket, or even chase those dark fantasies they swore they would never act on.”
“You must not know as much about me as you think if you believe I would ever do something like that.” My sickness started to settle once the alcohol gave me a little liquid courage.
“You’re right. You wouldn’t—not right now. Your needs are still unfulfilled. You need love. Once that need is fulfilled, your wants will come back. You’ll ask Nate to give you a few smacks on your ass when you’re having sex. You’ll try to figure out how to get him to spank you because you’ve played out the fantasy in your head. It’ll gnaw at you. You might even be content with ignoring the fantasy forever, just because you’re in love, but it’ll never go away.” She shrugged and shook her head. “I’m offering you a way to have the best of both worlds—love and fantasy—at the same time.”
“That wouldn’t be fair to Nate. He came all this way because he wanted to pursue me.” I drained what was left of my vodka. “No, I couldn’t do that to him.”
“You’d rather build a life on a lie, instead?” She quickly shook her head. “That isn’t fair to him either.”
“I need some time to think.” I stood and stared at her for a moment. “You’re the devil, you know that, right?”
“I’m just trying to help you. Take the time you need and come back to me once you figure that out.” Angelina stood and motioned towards the door.
My head was pounding when I left Angelina’s suite. The chaos in my head had turned into a dull ache that tried to stab me from the inside out. My relationship with Nate was never going to have a chance to get off the ground. It was squashed before we even had a chance to figure out if it could become more than one night of bliss. I walked into Angelina’s suite ready to fight for it, but after I left, I felt nothing but defeat. I wished I had never gotten on that website or exposed those secrets. It seemed safe at the time, but Angelina really meant it when she said she left no stone unturned. I felt the dull ache getting stronger when I got to my car. I slammed the door shut and tears began to stream down my face.
“Harmony?” I heard a voice and when I turned my head, I saw Nate peering through the passenger window.
“Nate? Oh my god!” I quickly wiped away my tears as he opened the door. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you.” He sat down and looked over at me. “Angelina did a number on you, huh?”
“Is it that obvious?” I exhaled sharply. “She’s the freaking devil in a designer dress.”
“I thought that once too.” He nodded and smiled. “She tears you open and digs until she finds something to latch onto—things you never wanted the world to see.”
“Let’s run away.” I looked over at him. “Let’s leave Bakersfield right now and never look back. Just you and me.”
“There’s a part of me that wants that, I really do.” He leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead. “It took Angelina months to break open my shell. Even when I told her about you, she still wasn’t convinced that you were anything more than a moment from the past that could never be reclaimed.”
“What did it take to break your shell?” I blinked a couple of times and stared at him.
“Honesty—honesty with myself.” He shrugged and sighed. “Even now, I find myself trying to retreat back into it. That man wouldn’t let you crank up this car and drive away. He would take the wheel and drive you himself.”
“Do it.” I leaned back from the steering wheel.
“That’s the same man who was once a stupid boy. The one that ran from Bakersfield when he saw how happy you were because you had a date with Jimmy Adams. That isn’t who I am anymore. Angelina told me that our road to each other is not a straight line. It’s a forked path and the only way we can ever get to the end of it, is if you walk every road.” He reached over and took my hand. “If you truly believe that there is a future for us, you have to trust Angelina like I do. Even if it scares you.”