Birthday Girl

“Normally that would scare me, but…” I trail off, thinking. “I don’t want to keep doing anything I’ve been doing. I just want to wake up tomorrow and not recognize anything about my life.” I raise my eyes, looking at her. “And please don’t give me some lecture on how I’m running away, floundering, letting others control what I feel…”

She takes my shoulders, speaking firmly. “Run,” she tells me flatly. “Run far away. Just go. Call if you need anything, okay?”

I nod, thankful she understands. “Can you tell Cam not to worry? I’m fine, and I’ll call her.”

“You’re not going to see her?”

Tears threaten, and I veer around Shel and out of her grasp, walking out of the liquor room. “I can’t.”

If I think too long, or I look at her face, I’ll chicken out. Pike told me once ‘hit the ground running.” I’m sure this isn’t what he meant, but I’m going for it.

Jordan Hadley doesn’t leave her job. She doesn’t jump into a rundown, unreliable vehicle and hit the road with nowhere to go. And she’s certainly too afraid to ever be alone.

If I think, I won’t do it. I’m going. No turning back. Maybe I’ll come back tomorrow, the next day, or next week, but the longer I keep my foot on the gas, the farther I’ll be from who I was.

I stop at the bar and pick up my sweater that I’d laid on a stool.

“I know it hurts,” Shel says, coming up behind me. “You were happy.”

“I’ll be fine.” I hook the sweater over my bag, avoiding her eyes. “He wasn’t my first.”

“Yes, he was.”

I stop and look over at her, the knots in my stomach tightening.

“You don’t have to say anything, but you know…” she continues, “you didn’t feel this with Cole or Jay or anyone else.”

I look away again, biting the corner of my mouth to keep my feelings in check.

I’ll get over him. And very soon, every memory will fade, all his words and how every touch felt. It’ll all fade.

“But let me tell you something, girl,” she goes on, speaking low and discreet for the few customers in the place. “What you feel for him or anyone else isn’t what you need. This—” she taps my chest over my heart, “what you’re feeling right now—is the best thing that can happen to you. Because when all the pieces of your heart start to come back together, and they will, they’ll be stronger. And much tougher for someone to pierce.” She pushes my hair behind my ear in the way she always does. “So you can be sure that when someone finally does, he’ll have worked for it. We don’t need food to survive this life as much as we need our hearts broken at least once. But the best part is, the first break is always the worst. It’ll never feel this bad again.”

And for that, I’m glad.

But it also makes me wonder…. If my heart will never break this badly again, then will I love anyone like I loved Pike Lawson?

Pike

I pull up in front of Lindsay’s, scanning the parking lot around me for Cole’s Challenger. I don’t see it, but I can barely see anything through the rain right now. I’ve called him and Jordan nonstop for the past twenty-four hours, but I can’t take it anymore. If he wants time, I can do that. If he needs space, I’ll give it to him.

But I need to apologize to his face. I need him to know I love him, and I didn’t mean for this to happen.

Not that he’ll listen or probably even hear me through his anger, but I can’t sit around anymore.

Climbing out of my truck, I run to Lindsay’s door, under the covered porch, and pound with my fist. It’s been raining all day, and while I let the guys have the day off, I still went to the site and took care of business just to kill time until Cole got off work today. If he started his new job already, that is.

Lin opens the door, still in her pencil skirt from her office job but barefoot and her shirt untucked. She sees me and crosses her arms over her chest, pinning me with a smug look.

“I want to talk to him,” I tell her.

“You’ve done enough,” she sneers, pulling out her tight ponytail. “Jesus, I thought I was the bad parent. What were you thinking? Taking his leftovers like there isn’t any other woman in this town you can pound?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Spare me the details.” She reaches over to a nearby table and grabs a glass with what’s most likely vodka and orange juice. “She’s no different than you thought I was. She used you, Pike. Used you for a place to live and utilities, and oh, what else did you do? Fix her car, too?” She shakes her head, smiling bitterly. “She lucked out with you, and all she had to do was open her legs. Christ, you men really are dense when it comes to a pretty face.”

My jaw tensed. Jordan isn’t like that. She’s nothing like you.