I grow hard as she moves against me, and I hold her face, staring up into her eyes.
“Do you love me?” she asks.
“I’ll never stop loving you.”
She dives in, kissing me and hovering her lips over mine. “Then I’m so lucky,” she whispers. “We’re so lucky.”
I dig my hands into her and pull her closer, but there’s suddenly nothing there, and I blink my eyes open, seeing that my arms are empty. It was a dream, and I can’t slow my breathing. Whipping off the sheet, I sit up, swing my legs over the side, and bury my head in my hands.
“Fuck,” I choke out, my forehead covered in sweat.
I’m still hard, blood pulsing through my cock, because I can still feel as much now as I could two months ago. I’d give anything to have her in my arms right now.
Standing up, I pull on my jeans and head out of the bedroom. I pass Cole’s room where he’s asleep inside and quietly open Jordan’s door. Her room’s been closed up for eight weeks, and I’m overcome as soon as I inhale. She’s everywhere, and I close the door and switch on the light.
Her Home & Garden magazines lay at the bottom of her bed, and I look over to the desk, my eyes falling on its corner and remembering how beautiful she was that night. The boombox Dutch gave her sits on top, and I walk over, turning down the volume and pressing Play. I recognize Bruce Springsteen’s I’m On Fire come out of the speakers, and I adjust the volume again, not wanting to wake Cole.
Walking over to the bed, I sit down and listen to the song, looking around.
I can’t get away from her, and I never want to. I thought I was in love with Lindsay at one time, but I wasn’t. It wasn’t like this.
And I never even told her. She doesn’t know that I love her.
I never thought I’d say this, but Cramer is right. I would’ve loved her with everything I had. She was it for me. I would’ve gone to any length to make her happy for the rest of her life.
But I blew it.
Looking over, I spot a jar sitting on her bedside table, the label on front reading Dreams. I reach over and take it, studying the few dozen little scrolls of paper, all different colors and tied with gold string, piled inside.
My heart thumps in my ears, not wanting to invade her privacy, but I need to know. I need to know her dreams don’t include me or things I can give her. Her love clouds her mind. What she wrote here will be the truth.
Unscrewing the lid, I dump the scrolls on the bed and pick one up. I slide the string off, my stomach rolling with nerves as I unroll the first scroll.
Invent my own Christmas tradition.
I smile weakly, something like that sounding right up her alley. She’s creative, and I’d love to see what she comes up with.
Setting it down, I pick up another one and pull it apart, reading it.
Drive a convertible with the top down in the rain.
Yeah, I can just see her dragging me out for something like that, trying to get me to have some fun.
Picking up another scroll, my smile falls, and my mouth goes dry, readying myself again to see something I might not like. The pulse in my neck throbs as I unroll it.
Have a library in my house someday. Built-in bookshelves, leaves blowing outside, and a cushy chaise with cozy blankets.
I dig in my eyebrows and drop the paper, quickly picking up another.
I wonder if I can get Pike to stay in bed all day on a rainy day to watch movies.
I guarantee you, girl, watching movies won’t be all we do if we stay in bed all day.
I unroll another. Ride in a hot air balloon.
My breathing quickens as I keep unrolling scrolls, one right after another.
Adopt a dog