'Works for me.'
James was turned toward me, and I could see Lula and Bob coming up behind him. Bob was straining at the leash, wanting to run, but with Lula at the other end it was like pulling a refrigerator.
'Are you interested, or what?'
'Sure. I'm a professional. I don't need to know why. I just need to know you'll pay.'
'Good. Then it's settled. We just have to agree on a price.'
'I don't negotiate price. My price is fixed. Ten big ones. Five now and five when the job is completed.'
'Nobody told me that part,' I said. 'I don't have a lot of money on me.'
'Then you have a problem.'
'Do you take credit cards?'
'Lady, I'm not the Gap.'
'How about a check?'
'How about cash,' he said.
'Wait a minute, let me think. I just have to go to the bank. Can you wait while I go to the bank?'
'Sorry, no can do. I have a visibility problem.'
Lula was about twenty feet away, and Bob was chugging like a freight train, pulling against his collar, trying to get to me.
James turned to see what was making all that noise behind him, I slipped the stun gun out of my bag, pushed the button, and the little on light didn't go on.
James turned back to me and saw the stun gun. 'What the fuck?'
I looked at Lula in utter panic.
Lula let go of Bob's leash. Bob bounded over and took a flying leap for me, knocking me off the bench. James reached for his gun. And Lula roundhoused James on the side of the head with her purse. I still had the stun gun in my hand and suddenly the light blinked on. I shoved Bob out of the way, scrambled to grabbing distance of James, and caught him in the ankle with the prongs of the stun gun. James squeaked, slumped over, and slid to the ground.
I flopped
over and lay spread-eagle on my back, hand to my heart for a moment. I was breathing hard, and I was leaking nervous fear, sweating in places I didn't think had sweat glands.
'What the heck was that?' Lula wanted to know. 'You had a expression on your face like you just had an irritable bowel experience.'
I looked at the stun gun. The light was off again. 'Low battery,' I said.
'Don't you hate when that happens?'
'What have you got in your purse? It sounded like you hit him with a frying pan.'
'I got my gun in there. And I got a couple rolls of quarters for meters. And I got a Maglite. And a stun gun. And cuffs.' She pulled the cuffs out and handed them to me. 'I guess you should cuff him, except it seems like a shame to ruin Bob's fun.'
Bob was jumping around on James, trying to get him to play. He'd snuffle James, and then he'd jump up and land on James with all four feet and do a growly thing, and then he'd jump around some more.
'Gonna be hard to explain all those muddy Bob-sized footprints on him,' Lula said. 'Gonna be even harder to explain all the dog slobber on his crotch.'
I dragged Bob off, and I cuffed James behind his back and stood. 'Do you have any shackles?'
'I got shackles in the trunk,' Lula said. 'You babysit, and I'll go get them.'