'What does sort of mean?'
'It means that he looks like my boyfriend, but I don't say it out loud.'
'Why not?' Pickle wanted to know.
'It feels weird. I'm not sure why.' Okay, I knew why, but I wasn't going to say that out loud either. I had feelings for two men, and I didn't know how to choose between them. 'And I wish you wouldn't sit like that. It's creeping me out.'
'Are you afraid I'll fall? I thought you didn't care. Remember dead or alive?'
My cell phone was ringing in my bag.
'For crying out loud, answer it,' Pickle said. 'Don't worry about me, I'm only going to kill myself.'
I did an exaggerated eye roll and answered the phone.
'Hey,' Lula said. 'Where are you? I been looking all over.'
'I'm in the hotel at the end of the mall.'
'I'm right outside of that hotel. What are you doing there? Do you have Pickle?'
'I don't exactly have Pickle. We're on the sixth floor, and he's thinking about jumping off the balcony.'
I looked over the railing and saw Lula walk into the atrium. She looked up, and I waved at her.
'I see you,' Lula said. 'Tell Pickle he's gonna make a big mess if he jumps. This floor's marble, and his head's gonna crack open like a fresh egg, and there's gonna be brains and blood all over the place.'
I disconnected and relayed the message to Pickle.
'I have a plan,' he said. 'I'm going to jump feet first. That way my head won't make such an impact when I land.'
Pickle was getting noticed. People were dotted around the atrium, looking up at him. The elevator opened behind me and a man in a suit stepped out.
'What's going on here?' he wanted to know.
'Don't come near me!' Pickle yelled. 'If you come near me, I'll jump.'
'I'm the hotel manager,' the man said. 'Is there something I can do?'
'Do you have a giant net?' I asked him.
'Just go away,' Pickle said. 'I have big problems. I'm a pervert.'
'You don't look like a pervert,' the manager said.
'I whacked off in the multiplex,' Pickle told him.
'Everybody whacks off in the multiplex,' the manager said. 'I like to go when there's one of those chick flicks playing, and I wear my wife's panties and I—'
'Jeez,' Pickle said. 'Too much information.'
The manager disappeared behind the elevator doors and minutes later reappeared in the lobby. He stood in a small cluster of hotel employees, everyone with their head back, their eyes glued to Pickle.
'You're making a scene,' I said to Pickle.
'Yeah,' Pickle said. 'Pretty soon they're going to start yelling “jump.” The human race is lacking. Have you noticed?'
'There are some good people,' I told him.