“You eat everything.”
“Exactly. I get variety in my diet. Even when I was on that one diet, which I’m not anymore, I made the most of it.”
This was true.
“Stay behind me,” I said to Lula. “I’m going in.”
I had the cuffs at easy access, and I had the stun gun in hand. True, it didn’t work on Butch, but that was a fluke. I crossed the lot and rapped on the tinted driver’s side window. The window rolled down, and Chopper looked out at me. I knew Chopper by sight. He looked like Joe Pesci, if Joe Pesci was Cuban.
“Mortimer Gonzolez?” I asked.
“Yeah. What about it?”
“Bond enforcement,” I said. “You need to come with me to set a new court date.”
Technically, this was correct, but mostly it was baloney. He needed to come with me so he could get locked up until someone came to bond him out again. And bonding him out would cost him more money.
“Bite me,” Chopper said. And he powered his window up.
“That went well,” Lula said.
“If you say that one more time, I’m going to hit you with the stun gun and spray you full of pepper spray,” I said to her.
Lula pointed her Glock at Chopper’s front tire and fired off four rounds. The driver’s side door flew open and Chopper lunged out and looked at his tire and looked at Lula.
“Are you fuckin’ nuts?” Chopper yelled. “Do you know what one of them tires costs? It’s not no ordinary fuckin’ tire. It’s a run-flat.”
I clapped a bracelet onto his wrist, and he took a swing at me. I ducked and zapped him with the stun gun. Chopper’s eyes went blank, and he dropped to the pavement.
“I think we finally got one,” Lula said.
I snapped the second bracelet onto Chopper, and Lula and I dragged him to the Firebird.
“Watch that you don’t get his shoes onto my leather upholstery,” Lula said. “I just had it detailed.”
We hefted Chopper onto the backseat and did a high five.
“This is what I’m talking about,” Lula said, getting into the Firebird. “We’re on a roll now. It’s the bottle. You got it, right?”
I slid onto the passenger seat and clicked my seat belt in place. “It’s in my shoulder bag.”
Lula drove two blocks and pulled into a convenience store lot. “I got a idea. The bottle’s working for us, right?”
“I guess.”
“Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna go get a lottery ticket while we’re hot. I bet you anything we win a ton of money.”
“Who’s paying for the ticket?”
“You,” Lula said.
“I don’t think so.”
“I spent my last twenty on burgers.” Lula looked in the rearview mirror. “I bet Chopper got money.”
“Don’t even think about it.”
Lula unsnapped her seat belt and lurched out of the car. “It’s just borrowing. I’ll pay him back right away with our winnings.”