Look Alive Twenty-Five (Stephanie Plum 25)

“He’s nowhere. The dude is loose.”

“He’s ‘loose.’ What does that even mean?”

“It means he moves around. The bitches love him. They all want his seed.”

Great. The moron with a snake tattooed on his neck is a seed spreader. Just what the world needs.

“How do you get in touch with Victor?” I asked.

“Sometimes he checks his text messages,” Jaimie said. “Depends if he’s having a good day or a bad day.”

“Yeah,” Lula said. “He stabs people on a bad day. And then he pisses on their dog.”

“It was wrong of him to piss on the dog. We all called him on that,” Jaimie said.

Lula and I returned to my car.

“I wouldn’t want him delivering my pizza,” Lula said. “He was rude and unattractive.”

Martin Kammel was next up. He was a barista at Julio Coffee on State Street. His address was 415 Stark Street, apartment 3B. That was the fourth block of Stark and marginally safe.

“At least he has an address,” Lula said. “And he’s even got a good job, in spite of the spider on his forehead.”

Julio Coffee was in a strip mall on the fringe of the state capitol complex. I parked in the strip mall lot, and Lula and I walked into the coffee shop. It looked a lot like a Starbucks except it was called Julio. Two men and three women were working behind the counter. None of them had a spider tattooed on their forehead. Lula ordered a Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino, a Rice Krispies Treat, and a Morning Glory muffin. I ordered a Caramel Frappuccino.

“I was hoping Martin would be here today,” I said to the woman who took my order.

“He’s off today,” she said. “He’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Are we going to his apartment now?” Lula asked me.

“No. There’s not enough time for that. We’ll go after the lunch rush.”

* * *

¦ ¦ ¦

Lula and I got back to the deli a little before noon, and people were already lining up outside. I opened the front door, and they followed me in. Raymond was at the fry station. Dalia was on the phone, taking down an order. Stretch was working at the prep table. Hal was standing behind Stretch. Hal was the elephant in the room. He’s the size of a Volkswagen bus and not built to fit in a galley kitchen.

“Randy has all the cameras installed and working,” Hal said to me. “And I’m supposed to stay here and make sure nothing bad happens to you.”

“Very thoughtful but entirely unnecessary,” I said. “I’ll be okay. I even have a gun in my bag.”

“I’m not supposed to let you out of my sight,” Hal said. “Ranger won’t be happy if I disobey orders. And it’s not good when Ranger isn’t happy.”

“I can’t work like this,” Stretch said. “You gotta get Stegosaurus out of the prep area. And I need a sandwich maker.”

“I’m up,” Lula said. “Where’s my hat? Where’s my apron? Where’s the hot sauce?”

I moved Hal into a corner, and I joined Lula.

“I’m getting the hang of this,” Lula said. “I need turkey. Get me more turkey. And put mayo on this roll for me. And add some pickles.”

“Wait,” I said. “This is an order for ham and cheese.”

“Say what?”

“You have to look at the ticket. You can’t just give them anything.”