“That’s not funny,” Glo told her.
“Gobble, gobble, gobble.” Shirley’s face turned red. “Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble!”
“I’m sure I read it perfectly,” Glo said. “How many gobbles did I say?”
“I think there were three.”
“And three gobbledegooks, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Honestly,” Glo said. “This is so annoying.”
Shirley stamped her foot and balled her hands into fists. She whirled around and huffed off to her bedroom.
“Oh boy,” Glo said. “We need to get out of here before she comes back with the gun.”
We ran for the door, sprinted down the hall, and flew down the stairs. We jumped into the Mini and roared away from the curb and down the road.
“So how’s it going with Mister Tall, Blond, and Ferociously Handsome?” Glo asked.
“I don’t know. He gets close, and he smells good, and he feels good, and I think he’s going to kiss me, and then he doesn’t. And sometimes he just scares the heck out of me. I mean, he’s not normal.”
“Yeah, but he’s not normal in a good way. I bet he’s got an Unmentionable schvansticker.”
“I don’t want to think about his schvansticker. It’s enough to give me a panic attack.”
Glo nodded in agreement. “It could be formidable.”
“That’s not what panics me. It’s him. He’s so big and confident and good at flirting.”
“And?”
“And I’m such a dope. I’m not good at flirting. And I’m really not good at being sexy. I’m out of practice.”
“Really? How long has it been since . . . you know?”
“Years.”
“Get out! Years?”
“I’ve been busy. I worked long hours at the restaurant in New York. I was tired a lot. And I didn’t like any of the men I met.”
Glo nodded in agreement. “I know. It’s hard to meet nice men. Either they’re married, or else they’ve got nails driven into their heads.”
“You know men with nails in their heads?”
“I’m a magnet for them. Go figure.”
Glo stopped at Lafayette Street. “Will you be okay if I take you home? I’d offer to stay with you, but I have a date tonight.”
“I’ll be fine,” I told her. “Does he have a nail in his head?”
“No. He’s adorable. I met him at the car wash. He’s the interior specialist.”
The house was quiet when I got home. Diesel and Carl were still off hiding the charms. The Spook Patrol hadn’t returned. Cat 7143 met me at the door, looking relieved to see that I was alone.
“Were you my Great Aunt Ophelia’s cat?” I asked him.