"Wishful thinking." She paused. "Ready?"
I shook my head, eyeing the counter. My bathroom was so icy cold I started shivering. I held myself. It was the last thing I wanted to do.
"I can't remember a time when I've been so nervous. I'm terrified, Ave. I really don't want to look. I feel like I already know the answer."
I held my stomach. It was so flat.
Avery expressed her sorrow. "Just rip the Band-Aid off and do it."
"I can't believe I called to joke that I was dying and it turned into taking pregnancy tests."
"Definitely not what I expected, that's for sure."
Standing up, I tiptoed toward the counter.
"Pretend I'm there holding your hand," she said, and I swallowed and looked into the phone as I stopped in front of what could change my life forever. "Look at the counter, Aid," my best friend encouraged gently.
My lips were a thin, flat line as I shook my head. Tears spilled from the corners of my eyes into my mouth and I could taste the saltiness.
"Come on, bestie." She had tears in her eyes too.
Finally, I looked.
Chills racked my body as my eyes moved from one test to the other. My lungs ached with each result as I struggled to breathe. I was dizzy and lightheaded and staring with wide eyes in absolute shock until my vision blurred.
"Avery?" I said, my voice cracking.
Kidney disease wasn't going to kill me, a heart attack was.
I skimmed the row of tests again and all the lines in utter disbelief.
"What does it say?" she begged, but I couldn't find the words. I didn't want to say it out loud because then it would make it real. "Aid? Say something, please."
I told her.
"Christ on a fucking stick."
Fifty-Seven
I cried for an hour straight after I counted two sets of positive lines.
I checked every few minutes hoping they would change. The parallel lines were solid and bright, except for the automatic two that clearly read pregnant.
Pregnant. How was I pregnant? More importantly, how did I let this happen?
Avery listened, and I loved her even more for it. She let me vent through the tears, even though I was a bawling mess of denial and heartbreak. She didn't try to hang up on me. She acted like she was right next to me as if I was crying on her shoulder. She was the perfect best friend, which made me feel even more like shit since I hadn't been there for her in her moment of need.
"How, Avery? How?" I asked for the millionth time and grabbed another tissue.
"I mean, I feel like you know how it happens at this point."
"What am I going to do? I can't tell my dad, and I definitely can't have a baby either. That leaves me with one option."
Avery was quiet for a little while. Gently, she said, "What do you want?"
"It's not that easy to answer."
"If you didn't need a kidney, what would you do?"