“You don’t know that! He could have a miracle or some shit! He hasn’t had enough time!”
She began to sob uncontrollably and he suddenly felt like an asshole. “But … but I could swear I felt him squeeze my hand when I was here last time.”
Maryanne’s shoulders drooped. “I thought I felt it too at one point, but the doctors said it was a muscle spasm.”
“No, I know what I felt. They’re all wrong. Don’t do this, Maryanne, don’t. Please …”
“Oh, John, honey …” She shook her head. “There isn’t anything there.”
Angry tears streamed down his cheeks. “So that’s it? You’re just going to pull the plug and that’s it? Not give him anymore time? That’s your son!” he yelled, pointing at Jace. “You’re just going to end it like that? Give him time! Don’t do this! I can’t lose him!”
A tear rolled down her face. “Believe me, John, no mother wants this for their child. No mother wants to bury her child. It’s killing me to have to make a decision like this,” she choked. “I’d give my life in a second if I could to bring him back. This is the last thing I would ever want to do. I understand your anger and frustration because I have it too, but today … is the day. I called you in so you could say goodbye to Jace. Afterward …” she looked away, unable to look John in the eyes.
John grabbed the sides of his pounding head. Tears dripped down his face. “Does anyone else know?” There had to be a way to fix this. This couldn’t be happening!
“Honey, I’ve already said my goodbye, it’s your turn. Ford already came and left, and your parents are aware too. I figured at the funeral anyone else …” she trailed off. Maryanne pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes, her jaw quivered so hard she flattened her lips to stifle the cry. They would say goodbye, is what she meant to say.
He felt dizzy, light headed. How could this be happening? How? Why? Why was fate so cruel? Jace came from a good, hard working mother. Why did she have to lose her only child?
Maryanne patted his arm, trying to console him. “I’m going to get some coffee in the cafeteria. Take all the time you need.”
John nodded, unable to find the right words. He had to say goodbye to his best friend, his brother. “When … when are you doing it?” Jesus, he couldn’t even say it.
“After you leave.”
“Alone?” She nodded. “Absolutely not,” he enunciated each letter, hot tears riming his eyelids. “I won’t allow it. I’ll be here with you.” No way would he allow her to watch Jace take his last breath alone. It would haunt her for the rest of her life. John would stand by her side, because when Jace left this world, a part of her would die too and she would need someone.
Her chest dropped. “John—”
“You’re not doing this alone. I’ll be here with you.”
All Maryanne could do was pat his arm again and nod her head. “You’re a good boy. Thank you for being my son’s friend.”
Tears streaked his cheeks.
And then she left.
It was just him and Jace in their final moments together.
The silence in the room was deafening. John stared at his best friend, guilt eating at him. The ventilator was still hooked to his mouth, white tape running down the sides of his face holding it in place. He never should have asked Alyssa to call Jace that night. He shouldn’t have let him get behind the wheel. That one reckless night of fun had irrevocable consequences. Shit they’d done countless times before and nothing ever happened.
Sorrow … such aching sorrow ripped through his chest that he almost lost his breath. It was a deep throb, a cracking pain he’d never felt before.
Kneeling down, his knees hit the floor hard but he didn’t feel it. He was numb to the core. John placed his hands atop of Jace’s and took a deep breath, grasping his fingers.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so damn sorry. I know sorry won’t bring you back. It won’t do a damn thing. Nothing I say or do will bring you back, and that’s what hurts the most.”
John took in every inch of Jace, painting it to his memory. There was an old tale that souls didn’t let go until they were told to do so. If that was true, then it was John’s responsibility to tell Jace. He didn’t want to tell his friend to leave this world and leave it quickly, but for Maryanne he would.
“Don’t hang on. Just … go … for her,” his voice broke with his heart. “Go fast for your mama. Go in peace.”
Tears were pouring out and he could barely catch his breath. He was sputtering his words and not making sense.
Inhaling deeply until his lungs burned, he exhaled and said, “This isn’t our last goodbye. I’ll see you again.”
Then his head hit the bed and he cried so hard his whole body shook. Never had he felt such loss in his life.
John waited at the hospital for his parents to pick up Maryanne. She was too distraught to drive and needed consoling. His mother, Diane, was going to stay with her overnight.