Hold On to Me

Alyssa nodded her head and a burst of air exploded from her lungs. She wasn’t expecting John to want to touch her. She expected anger. She expected resentment. She expected everything except his hoarse voice and trembling hands asking for permission. The tears she struggled to keep in slowly streamed down her cheeks as his calloused hands rested ever so gently on the sides of her stomach. She watched as John stared at her stomach in shock. Then, surprising her, he leaned forward and rested his forehead onto her belly, his breathing becoming deeper, his broad shoulder rising up and down. This was a lot for him to take it, she knew it. Hell, it was still a lot for her to take in.

John hands slid around her back and wrapped them around her. He shifted on his knees, drawing closer and then turned his head to the right, laying it on her stomach. He stared at the opened land, the vibrant green trees swaying in the breeze as the sun shined down. John didn’t move; he couldn’t. All he could do was hold Alyssa. His child was growing inside of her. His baby. He wanted to be pissed, he wanted to be fucking mad as hell and yell at her for her not telling him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to be anything at the

moment except blissfully happy.

Alyssa flinched and John felt a sudden movement in her stomach. Quickly, he pulled back and looked into her pink rimmed eyes. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head.

He lifted the seam of her shirt. “Can I see?”

Puzzled, she asked. “You want to see?”

John nodded his head like it was a no brainer. “Hell yeah I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

Alyssa was self-conscious when it came to her growing belly, thanks to Ben. But she sucked it up and lifted her shirt.

John’s mouth parted, a breath escaping him. Her soft skin appeared tight and her belly button popped out. Even though they hadn’t seen each other in months, this was his child. He knew it with every bone in his body. So he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to her stomach and placed a kiss to her belly.

Standing up, John towered over Alyssa and got right to the point. “We have a lot to talk about.” She nodded and he wiped her tears. “I don’t know why you’re with Ben or care to know, but get rid of him. We’ll figure things out. That’s my son growing in your belly. I don’t want some other guy trying to claim him as his. He’s mine, and I plan to be there for him. Got it?”

Alyssa cracked a small, sad smile. “How do you know it’s a boy?” she asked quietly.

“Wishful thinking, I guess? Every man wants a son first, then a daughter so the brother can protect his sister.” His smile vanished. “I mean it Alyssa. Get rid of him.”

Alyssa swallowed. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just get rid of him, Johnny. He thinks it’s his. He’s been there for me since the beginning when you …” she trailed off. She didn’t want to tell John that she was scared of breaking up with Ben. She’d seen his anger a few times and it was something she never wanted to witness again.

John’s eyes bore into Alyssa. “Why does he think it’s his, Alyssa?”

She shrugged nervously and chewed her lip.

“You told him it was his, didn’t you?”

“I may have …”

“You may have? What does that mean?” he retorted through gritted teeth. He was struggling to remain calm and collective. Why would she lie to Ben about a child?

Unless …

“You slept with him.” The stark knowledge that she slept with Ben was like a knife to his heart. That was the only answer.

Alyssa averted her eyes from John’s question and stared at the ground. She was embarrassed to look at him. She’d slept with Ben, but was she still? John could feel the certainty in his gut and it made him sick.

John stepped back. “Why?” his voice cracked. “When?”

“Around the time you started calling me a white trash piece of shit.” She said it with no remorse, looking John dead in the eyes. Her heart broke when he called her that.

Five months ago, John tore her down with words that could not be taken back. He remembered those nights like they were yesterday. It was the days leading up to Jace’s funeral … and she’d been in Ben’s arms that night. Bile rose to his throat.

“How could you?” he whispered. Devastation hit John hard. He was suffocating as he put the pieces together. When he needed her the most, she’d been there for him every step of the way.

Or so he thought.

“So you slept with him to get back at me on the day of Jace’s funeral?” In that moment, he was absolutely disgusted with her. “Of all days, Alyssa, that day?” John shook his head with disappointment. “So it’s possible that he’s not even my baby.”

“It wasn’t that day …”

His chest tightened, aching with the sudden loss that there was a chance he wasn’t going to be a father. He was upset. Let down. Hurt. Mad as fuck. It was a strange feeling. One second he was happy, the next it was ripped from him.