“You already know we grew up together. At that young age, I wanted to have someone to protect. It felt good. I was always there for her, and she came to depend on me. It became a habit. And I felt…responsible for her.
“I’m not sure when it started to change,” he continued. “In high school, I guess. We were on vacation in Greece with our families. Beatrice-Rose wasn’t feeling good, and she asked me to stay with her at the hotel. She kissed me, and I…responded.”
“You mean you had sex with her.”
It was a moment before he answered. “Yes. My relationship with her was complicated. We’d hook up on and off for years. It never meant anything more than sex—”
“It sure as hell meant more to her.” I glared accusingly, fury coloring my voice. “And if you didn’t know that, you’re not just stupid, you’re insensitive. It’s so obvious she’s in love with you.”
The look of pure shock on his face made me realize he had no idea Beatrice-Rose was in love with him. My heart ached. Now that he did, would he…would he do something about it? Go back to her?
“Red. I stopped sleeping with her more than a year ago. I told her we had to stop. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. It wouldn’t matter if she’s in love with me. I’m not with her. I never was. I’m—”
I cut him off. “What happened last night?”
His nostrils flared. “Last night, when she started to cry, I knew she was close to having a panic attack. She’s had them since high school. After her panic attacks, she’d have a hard time falling asleep, so she’d call me. And I’d…”
When he trailed off, I said, “And you’d have sex with her.”
He clenched his teeth. “Yes, but I told you we’d stopped a long time ago. After that, she’d still call me and I’d just lie in bed with her. For some reason, I always calmed her down.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “And last night?”
“She wanted me to stay the night, but even if I hadn’t promised you I’d come home, I wouldn’t have stayed the night with her. It’s different now. You made it different, Red.”
He breathed deeply and continued. “I was only pl
anning to stay until she fell asleep. But she asked me to lie down beside her—”
No.
I closed my eyes tightly, pursing my lips so that no sound came out. But I wanted to shout, to lash out at him, to hurt him the way he was hurting me now.
“It was habit.” His voice shook. I opened my eyes and saw his anguish. “I wanted to get home to you. I knew the faster she fell asleep, the faster I could leave. But it felt wrong. I shouldn’t have done it. I screwed up, Red, and I am sorry. It was a mistake. I fell asleep beside her and was dreaming of you, and I—”
“Stop.” I said it calmly, although inside I was screaming. “Just stop.”
How could he expect me to believe him when he just unknowingly admitted his betrayal to me? He’d said he calmed her down by having sex with her. What made him think I would believe this time it was different?
He drove her home and stayed with her last night. Slept with her last night.
Did he really expect me to believe nothing happened? Especially with his track record, his blasé attitude toward sex…
“Red—”
“Don’t call me that!” My eyes burned with unshed tears I refused to let him see. “I don’t want you to call me that ever again.” I was breathing fast, my chest heaving. “I want you to leave.”
I turned away from him and walked toward the house.
“Goddamn it!” His hand slapped the screen door to prevent me from opening it. “Goddamn it. Don’t go.”
When I heard his voice break, I crumpled inside.
“Is it a crime for me to ask for…to want your trust? It hurts me that you don’t trust me. It hurts a fucking lot.”
My grip on the doorknob loosened, and I let my hand fall to my side.
“What am I to you?” he demanded painfully. He turned me around to face him.