Had I ever felt this kind of pain before? No, I realized, because I had never fallen in love. Until Red. And look where that had gotten me.
There was a reason I didn’t commit myself to any girl: because I didn’t want to experience this. I knew I wasn’t a saint before I met her, but—dammit all to hell—I very nearly was after. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I never wanted anyone else. She never trusted me, never gave me—us—a fighting chance. I knew I had a reputation, and she had trust issues. But I had fought hard to prove myself, to show her she was the only one. But that hadn’t meant anything. She’d always expected the worst from me.
That’s who you really are, I thought bitterly as I entered my apartment.
I was better off alone. I wished I could go back to the days when I didn’t care about a girl who could slash me so easily with a look, cut me so deeply with her indifference and her lack of trust.
Anger building, I showered and got dressed. I’d show her who I really was.
* * *
I smelled a mix of various perfumes and body sweat, fried food and whiskey as I entered a new club down the street I hadn’t been to before. Techno music blasted my ears, and blinking neon lights blinded me as I waded through the dark club to find a seat. The dance floor was already packed with people.
If the scene didn’t excite me like it usually did, like I expected it to, I ignored the feeling and looked for an empty table. When I didn’t find one, I went to the bar and sat on one of the backless stools there. I caught the bartender’s eye and ordered a beer.
“Rough night?”
I glanced to my right where a pretty brunette occupied the seat next to mine. A tight, black dress showcased her body, revealing a lot of skin. Her eyes gleamed with the confidence of a female who knew her own allure.
I knew this game, had played it countless times.
“Not anymore,” I replied, but my comment lacked enthusiasm. She didn’t seem to notice as she flashed her perfect white teeth at me, smiling prettily.
If I remembered correctly, this would be the perfect time to ask if she wanted to go somewhere else.
Some girls needed flattery to make them feel better about sleeping with a stranger, and some girls needed to be bought a few drinks or maybe share a few moves on the dance floor.
It was all a game. A sick game where no one really came out the winner.
Because in the end, we’d both still feel hollow.
Red had made me feel…
“I’m sorry,” I said, smiling at her apologetically. “I can’t do this.”
The thought of being with another girl made my stomach churn. I pushed away from the bar.
You only think about what you want. What about what I want? This, us, it all happened so fast. I told you I wasn’t ready, but you kept pushing for more. I can’t give you more, Caleb. I’m done. And I want you to leave me the hell alone.
Fuck that.
I walked blindly toward the exit, not caring if I bumped into anyone. I heard a woman yell and ignored it. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
“Are you fucking blind, asshole? You spilled my girlfriend’s drink, and you think you can just walk the fuck out?”
The guy yelled in my face, his spit flying. He moved really close, grabbing my arm.
“Get your hand off me,” I said quietly.
He shoved me, and I lost it after that. I just started swinging. The next thing I knew, I was being hauled out of the club.
“Don’t come back here, dumbass.”
My ribs hurt and my jaw throbbed as I stumbled into the parking lot. I looked down at my fists and noted the blood on them. It wasn’t mine.
When I got in my car, I thought of her. This wasn’t the club where I met her, wasn’t the same parking lot. But I thought of her anyway.
I thought of her red dress, her red lips, her intense dark eyes that stripped my soul. Eyes that looked older than her age, eyes that said she had been through a lot.