“Sneaking around.”
“And what’s wrong with that?”
Oh, my God. I shake my head and stare out the front windscreen.
“What do you have in that head of yours, Bree?” He huffs.
My face falls and my anger begins to simmer. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a future with a man who is actually proud to be seen with me.”
“Don’t start that fucking shit.” He sneers. “You know how I feel about you.”
“Fucking shit?” I repeat. “I don’t know what part of ‘I love you’ you don’t understand, but I want to be with a man who one day has plans to maybe marry me.” His looks at me like I’ve gone completely mad. “I’m not marrying again. No way in hell am I ever getting married again, Brielle. Get that shit out of your head right fucking now.” He grips the steering wheel and shakes his head. “So if that’s what you want from a man, we should probably end it.”
“What?” I gasp. I watch him for a moment as he grips the steering wheel with white-knuckle force.
“I am not going to be fucking controlled again with a wedding ring!” he yells.
My mouth falls open in shock. He’s actually serious. “What about children?” I ask, feeling my blood run cold. “Do you want more children?”
“I’m thirty-nine, Brielle.”
“So?”
“I’m not having any more children. I’m too old.” My eyes instantly fill with tears. “Then what are we doing here?” I cry. “I thought we were in love?”
He falls silent and stares at the road. “And I thought you were happy with simply having me,” he says flatly.
“I am happy with you, but what about my needs? I’m twenty-six. I’ve never been married and I want my own children.” I put my hands up to my chest. “I want your children and my children.”
He inhales deeply, not saying another word. Julian keeps his eyes on the road and we drive home in silence.
When he parks the car, I get out and slam the door shut before I march inside. Willow and Lola are sitting on the sofa watching television. “Hello.” I smile as I walk past them. “I’m beat. Going to bed.”
I hear Julian put the keys down on the bench in the foyer as he walks in behind me. “Hi, Dad,” Willow calls. “What’s wrong with Brell?”
“I don’t know. I just picked her up on my way through. She was out with Emerson.”
I close my eyes in disgust and walk into my bedroom.
What a gutless wonder.
It’s 2:00 a.m. when I feel my bed dip and Julian climb in behind me. I pretend I’m asleep. I don’t want to talk to him. He wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses my hair.
“I can’t sleep without you, baby,” he whispers.
I close my eyes. If I open my mouth now we’re only going to fall into a huge screaming match. Maybe he just needs time to get his head around everything.
I suppose we’ve never had this conversation before. I just assumed that he knew I would want these things. I lie in the dark for a while, thinking. Maybe if I just let it lie for a while he could come around to the idea. I roll over and face him.
We stare at each other in the darkness.
“I’m not Alina, Julian.”
“I know.” He pulls me to him. “I never loved her.”
My eyes fill with tears. “Yet she got to be your wife and have your children,” I whisper.
He holds me tight and kisses my forehead. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, babe.”