“Go to Pornhub and type squirting into the search bar,” Jolie says. “I can’t believe you don’t know this shit.” She rolls her eyes. “You are one frigid, old mole.”
The girls continue talk and chatter but I can’t concentrate. My mind is fixed on one sentence only:
How do you think you’re going to cope if he leaves you for a man?”
* * *
It’s just after 4:00 p.m. when I arrive home. I’m feeling super flat after having lunch with the girls.
I know they are only trying to look out for me, and I know that most people are going to react the same way and I need to get over it, but I guess it feeds my deepest fear with Nathan. No matter how much we love each other, I will never be everything that he needs. And no matter how hard I try…
I open the door, dejected, and I look around my apartment. We’re supposed to be moving into the new apartment this week.
Supposed to be. What the fuck does that mean?
I am moving in with Nathan, and you know what? He’s right. I am an asshole.
I didn’t want anyone to see us last night because I was afraid of the reaction.
Afraid of judgment, and it happened today with my closest friends.
And Nathan had every right to be disappointed in me. Damn it, I’m disappointed in myself.
I storm through my apartment.
I’m going to snap out of this sad mood and start packing. I’m moving in with a wonderful man who loves me, and I don’t give a damn what anyone else says. This is our love story. The world and their opinions can go fuck themselves.
I throw my bag down, get changed into some comfy clothes, and I begin to go through the kitchen. I throw things into boxes like a woman on a mission. With every item I pack, a little of my doubt disappears. I work and work, and I’m sitting on the floor going through my Tupperware cupboard when the door buzzes.
I climb up and go to the security buzzer. “Hello?”
“I have a delivery for Eliza Bennet.”
“Oh, okay, I’ll be right down.”
I make my way into the foyer and see a man standing with the biggest bunch of deep red roses I’ve ever seen. “Eliza Bennet?”
“Yes?” I beam in excitement.
He hands me a screen. “Sign here, please.”
“Thank you.” He passes me the roses, and I dance back to the elevator.
I ride to my floor with a huge goofy grin on my face, and I run down the hall to my apartment. I open the door and tear open the small white envelope.
Truly. Madly. Deeply.
xox
I hold the card to my chest and swoon. “Oh, I love you too.”
I stare at the beautiful roses and inhale their perfume. I count them. There are forty-eight in total. I don’t even have enough vases for all of them. I smile as my heart sings.
He gets it.
He’s the only one who gets what’s between us, and damn it, I’m all in.
I lie in the deep bath and relax into the steamy room.