Our Way

Our eyes are locked, and I tilt my chin in annoyance knowing this was a mistake. “Yes.”

“Then, please.” He rolls his hand out. “Continue. Lie back in the chair and relax. We can figure this out but only if we work together.”

I hesitate as I go over my options, there aren’t any, just tell him. “I was fifteen… at summer camp.”

He listens intently.

“I was roomed with a boy. Robert.”

“Had you had any attraction to anyone before this?”

“A male?”

“Either sex, boy or girl.”

I shake my head. “No, I was into sports and…” I shrug, unable to elaborate.

He waits for me to go on, and when I don’t, he prompts me. “Tell me about Robert.”

I exhale heavily, wishing I was anywhere but here. “Robert was…” I smile sadly. “Robert was different to anyone I had ever met. He was funny, kind, and he listened to everything I said.” I inhale deeply. “At the end of our first week of rooming together, we were tight—good friends. We hung out, laughed all day, and we would talk all night.” I hesitate, I hate how this sounds.

“Was there anyone else in the room with the two of you?”

“No.”

“Go on.”

“There was an undercurrent of a different friendship to what I’d ever had before, although I had no idea what it was. He asked me one night if I wanted to play truth or dare.” I smile, remembering it as if it were yesterday. “On the fifth truth question, he asked me if I’d ever kissed anyone, and when I said I hadn’t, he admitted that he hadn’t, either.” I swallow the lump in my throat as my eyes rise to meet Elliot’s.

He gives me a reassuring smile.

“He said that…” I frown. Fuck, I hate this.

“Go on.”

“He suggested that we kissed just once… to practice for when we were with a girl.”

“So… you kissed?”

“Not that night but two nights later. One kiss led to a hundred, and before I knew it, we were making out on the bed.”

“How was it for you?”

“Good at the time. Mortifying the next day. I told him I hated him and that it was all a mistake. We agreed to pretend it never happened, but three nights later, it happened again. Only…”

“Only what?”

“It got more heated.”

“How so?”

“He went down on me.”

“Did you ejaculate?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“How were you after that?”