“I just can’t.” She looks so vulnerable my heart goes out to her. “I don’t want him to think that I think he’s not good enough for me in bed.”
“But it’s ok if he makes you feel lacking,” I sigh. She nods. “Bethany, I don’t know a woman alive that can come in seven minutes of penetrative sex with no foreplay.” She nods. “You know Beth and this is off the record but I take at least twenty minutes to get in the frame of mind and then another twenty minutes, at least, of foreplay before I even want to think about sex. He needs to know that it’s not happening. Maybe he would try harder if he knew.”
She nods. “Maybe.”
“Isn’t that your grudge with him?” She frowns. “That he was dishonest?” She nods and hangs her head, knowing what I am going to say next. “Are you being totally honest with him Beth?”
”No,” she answers. I stay silent, waiting for her to process the information. “Last time I saw you we talked about trust.”
“Yes,” she smiles.
“How are the trust levels at home?”
“I try, I really do, but I just can’t seem to get there.”
“Beth, trust is not something that happens. It is a decision you make. You either decide you will trust him from now on, or you move on. Do you have trust that you will be ok if he leaves you?” She shakes her head. “I see, but if you move on with him and you haven’t made that decision to trust—to trust him and to trust yourself to be strong—you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.”
“I know,” she whispers. “It’s not completely his fault. I was so engrossed with the kids. I was just so preoccupied that I didn’t realize that he needed more sex and I let myself go and I didn’t even try to be sexy for him.”
“Beth. Don’t you dare sit there and defend him to m
e. For the record you were busy with his kids. His children, not someone else’s. And you let yourself go. How ridiculous. I sit here and I see a beautiful, smart English girl who has left her family and her country to move to the other side of the world for a man who has taken her for granted.”
“He would never have cheated if I was, I don’t know, more attractive.”
I sigh. “Beth what do you see when you look at me?”
“What do you mean?” she asks. I stand up and walk around in front of her and do a twirl.
“Now, when you look at me what do you see?”
She smiles, “A really pretty smart girl.”
I laugh, “That’s funny Beth, do you know that in my past I have had not one but two.” I hold my fingers up to accentuate the point. “Two boyfriends play up on me.” Her mouth drops open.
“But why?” she mutters under her breath.
I shrug my shoulders. “Who knows, but it has absolutely nothing to do with me.” She frowns at me. “Men play up for a number of reasons, Beth. But the main reason is that they are lacking something within their own self–esteem. They need to feel desired or wanted or need their ego stroked. Whatever the reason Beth, infidelity is the path of a coward. Staying loyal to one person is hard work, and it’s something that both you and I strive for. And you can be proud of that. Many women when faced with an affair go down the payback route and only end up feeling a lot worse for doing so.” I stay silent, waiting for her to say something but she doesn’t. “There is only one way to receive equality in your marriage, Beth.”
“How?” she asks.
“Demand it. People in life treat you how you believe you deserve to be treated. If you think you don’t deserve to be satisfied in bed then you won’t be. If you believe your husband can do better than you, then he will think he can too. Beth, what you need to realize without me telling you is that you and you only can make changes in your life. Forget about Anthony and his problems. Let’s work on you.” She smiles a shy smile at me which I return. I sit on top of my desk with my legs crossed. “Now I have some homework for you.”
“Ok,” she smiles, as she sits up in her chair, feeling a little empowered.
“I want you to go to the adult warehouse and buy yourself a vibrator.”
Her mouth drops open. “What?” she whispers.
I nod and smile. “It’s time for you to take your sexuality back into your hands. Literally.”
She swallows a large lump in her throat. “I’ve never, I don’t think. Anthony will freak,” she adds.
“Anthony is not to know about this.” She looks at me wide–eyed. “What I want you to do is every day fire up the vibrator and give yourself foreplay without the expected orgasm at the end.” I wait for her to speak. She doesn’t. I smile. God I love their faces when I start talking sex toys. I walk over to my desk, open my bottom drawer and pull out my large demo vibrator. I turn it on and her eyes widen.
“Don’t worry, it’s not like that,” I smile.
“Oh god,” she laughs and puts her hand on her chest in relief.