n’t know what to do. My dad said it was wrong and then he died,” I sob out loud. “And then I lost you. I was so deep in grief I couldn’t see straight, and now you’ve done this, and it’s all my fault.”
Adrian walks over behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Tash, this isn’t your fault, and it has been a terrible string of circumstances. Ones that have been out of your control. Josh doesn’t blame you—he understands. He is just not handling things well at the moment, but he will get better and now you are here you can work things out together.”
I nod as I wipe my eyes and turn back to look Joshua. “You’re right, he has to get better.” A sudden burst of anger breaks through. “Do you hear me Joshua … don’t you dare think about dying. You can’t leave me … not now. You fight this … do you hear me. So help me god, Joshua Stanton … I mean it, listen to me.” I break back down into a fit of tears Dear god let him be ok, this is such a mess.
Cameron walks back over and pulls me into his arms. “He needs you to be calm Tash. We are trying to regulate his heartbeat, being irrational will not help the cause.”
I nod, he’s right. Calm … I need to keep calm. I nod and pull away from Cameron and immediately pull a chair to sit next to the bed. I need to find some inner strength and I need to find it fast. I grab Joshua’s hand and kiss the back of it and put my head down and start to silently pray. Please pull through, please pull through. About three hours later I find myself leaning forward with my head resting on Joshua’s upper arm. I am somewhere in between sleep and delirium when I jump with a start as the nurse and doctor enter the room. I quickly stand to allow the doctor greater access. He checks Joshua over and reads his chart.
He gives me a warm smile. “Mrs Stanton, it seems you have a positive effect on your husband. His vitals indicate a promising result and I think he is going to be ok, he has passed the worst of it. It will be a few days but it seems all is well. We are going to start bringing him out of his sedation.” A wave of gratitude washes over me and my face breaks into a huge smile. I run immediately to the door and out into the waiting lounge where I see Cameron and Adrian.
“He’s going to be ok,” I gasp. They both stand in a rush to cuddle me and the three of us stand embracing each other. We stand still, united and exceedingly grateful. It is then I notice Amelie standing in the corner of the room alone.
I turn to her and smile. “He’s going to be ok Amelie.” She nods nervously and gives me a weak smile. Cameron then picks me up and twirls me around and I laugh out loud. He carries me back into Joshua’s room to see the doctor himself. The doctor smiles warmly at Cameron and shakes his hand and Cameron excitedly grabs him in an embrace, forget the handshake. Adrian walks in behind us.
“It looks as though he is through the worst of it. We are going to keep him lightly sedated for the next twenty-four hours just to keep his vitals down. Mrs Stanton, do you want to stay the night or are you going home?”
“I will be staying, if that’s ok,” I smile.
He smiles and nods. “I will organise a bed to be brought in for you then.”
“Thank you Dr,” I reply as he leaves the room.
“Why did you tell them we are married?” I ask Cameron.
He looks sullen. “Because I knew if it got bad and they were going to lose him they would have asked you to leave and you wouldn’t have had a say in anything. Joshua would want you with him more than anybody else. I did it for him, not for you.”
I give him a weak smile. “Sorry Cam. I haven’t dealt with this shit very well, have I?” He shakes his head. “No, you haven’t and neither has he—he’s been a total nightmare.”
Adrian must have sensed Cameron’s underlying anger at how I’ve treated Joshua and he butts in.“She’s here now and everything is going to be fine. Isn’t it Tash?” He puts his arm reassuringly around me.
I smile and turn to Adrian as he wraps his arms around me. “Thank you for looking after him for me. I appreciate you guys being such good friends to Joshua. God if anything happened to him.” I shiver in horror I can’t even bear to think of the consequences. My tears start again. “I’m such an idiot. How could I have treated him so terribly? I just left him and told him I never wanted to see him again, after all we had been through to be together.” Guilt fills me, I don’t deserve him, but to be fair I could never have predicted what the future was going to hold. I was totally blinded by grief. A nurse re-enters the room and injects something into his drip. “What are you giving him?” I ask.
“Diazepam, this will keep him sedated to keep his body temperature down and even.”
“Tash our mum and dad are on their way with our brothers. Prepare yourself—she’s going to be fuming mad and I’m pretty sure it will be aimed at you,” Cameron sighs.
“She came to Sydney to see me and asked me to come to Joshua. She was worried about him and it seems she had a good reason to be,” I whisper. “This is all my fault.”
Cameron and Adrian exchange glances. “She asked you to come to Joshua?” Cameron frowns.
“Ripley’s believe it or not?” I do wide eyes at him. “What’s Amelie’s problem?” I ask Adrian.
Adrian’s eyes drop to Joshua and he hunches his shoulders. “You, I expect. It’s no secret she’s in love with Joshua.”
”Adrian.” Cameron snaps. “Stay out of it.”
I narrow my eyes. “It’s ok. I already know, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that. He loves her as well.”
Cameron and Adrian frown. “No, he doesn’t. He loves you Tash,” Cameron stammers. My eyes drop to my beautiful unconscious man before me. “I know he loves me, it’s ok boys. I’m ok, I can’t blame her for loving him … loving him is easy. It’s the walking away from him that’s hard.”
They both give me a sad smile and nod. “We will give you some privacy.” And with that they disappear out of the room.
Chapter 2
I lie on my fold-up bed next to my so-called husband … I only wish that he was. A nurse comes and checks on him every thirty minutes. His breathing is regulated and the monitor’s constant beeping is strangely comforting. I know his heart is still beating and he’s still with me. It’s late at night and the hospital is silent. Thank heavens for Cameron’s quick thinking with the wife thing or I would have been ushered out with the others at ten pm. Cameron is in the hospital somewhere, refusing to go home in case I need him. My mind wanders back to the night I met his friends at his house when there was a tray of cocaine on the coffee table. Is this Joshua’s normal? Is he a cocaine addict? His out-of-control partying and stripper days are a constant reminder of his unruly past but just how deep that runs I have no idea. I know that a lot of wealthy socialites start out taking it to party but because there is no money restraint it very quickly turns into a very real problem in their daily life. Has my beautiful man got an ugly habit that I am unaware of? I troll my brain for any evidence. I knew his friends took cocaine but I honestly would never have known he would have anything to do with it. He’s a fitness fanatic. … mmm, maybe that’s why he’s a fitness fanatic, to keep him on the straight and narrow, to keep himself on track. He is excessive with it, like … over-dedicated. Why do I have to look for a reason behind everything? Stop thinking like a psychologist, Natasha, don’t do it to yourself. I stand up and lean over him and I smile. He’s beautiful, nothing has changed. I lean and gently kiss his lips.
“Wake up sleeping beauty,” I whisper. “I want to talk to you. I don’t like you being asleep so long.” No answer … why won’t he wake up? I gently run my fingers through his facial hair and over the top of his head. I gently pull the sheets back to look at him and I frown at the sight. He is bruised on his torso, quite badly actually. What is that from? Hmm, fighting—he’s been cage fighting again. I hate that sport or whatever you call it. I frown as I notice he has a bruise in the shape of a shoe print on his hip bone, as if he has been stomped on or kicked when down. This is no cage-fight bruising, this is real-fight bruising. My heart drops, Baby what in the hell have you been doing? I trace my name on his side with my finger and he flinches. My eyes shoot to his face. He frowns and I hold my breath.