“How did your session go with the rehab guy?” I ask to try and change the subject.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Embarrassing. I felt like a junkie.”
“To them you are,” I reply.
He nods and flops onto his back. “I hate that I have done this. How could I have been so stupid?”
I nod and my eyes tear up. “Josh, what if you had died … it would have killed me. I wouldn’t have been able to go on. How could you be so selfish?”
He kisses my forehead as he pulls me tightly into his arms. “I know presh. I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean it. I was watching the movie of us on repeat all weekend.”
I frown in horror. “What, the porno?”
He smiles and nods. “Yeah, you look smoking hot by the way.” He kisses my forehead again. I bring my hand up to my face in embarrassment. What must I look like?
“And then what happened?” I ask.
He blows out a breath. “I was down on myself for letting you down.”
I turn to look at him. “How have you let me down Josh?”
He drops his eyes. “I just have Tash. I am supposed to be the one to take care of you and I can’t even do that.”
“Josh, it wasn’t your fault my dad died. We had no idea that Brock was going to go crazy.” His eyes are still downcast. “Josh, he had an underlying heart condition.” I sigh.
“Why did you cut me like that? We are supposed to be in this together. In the worst time of your life I am supposed to be the one who takes care of you and you wouldn’t even speak to me. I had to have Cameron check on you daily to see if you were alright. In the end it was him that told me you weren’t coming back any time soon and that I should return to America,” he murmurs in a hurt voice.
“Josh,” I whisper.
“It fucking killed me to get on that plane without you.” His eyes tear up and guilt fills me as we touch foreheads and stay silent. There are no words for this moment, nothing that accurately describes the amount of remorse that I have, for my father’s death … for leaving Josh. What was I thinking? For a long time we lie silently together enclosed in regret, lost deep in our own thoughts and holding each other tight. I feel sick in my stomach. I should tell him the truth about his father.
“Joshua, we will never be apart again, I promise you. Our hard times are over with.” I smile through the lump of guilt in my throat.
He nods as if not believing me. “What about when Brock finds out. What are you going to do then?”he says in a flat voice as if not believing me.
“Josh, Brock has been a horrible cold brother to me since Dad died. He has no regard for my feelings. Even Mum has told him to wake up to himself. I have my mother’s blessing to be with you and now your mum and dad are on board we will be ok, baby. We love each other right?”
He nods.
“Let’s just concentrate on today … being happy today.” I smile softly.
He kisses my lips gently. “Deal,” he whispers. “I will spend every day ensuring a happy one for you.” I smile and kiss him gently as a knock comes to the door.
“Come in,” he snaps angrily at being interrupted.
Cameron walks into the room with a beaming smile. “Hello lovebirds.” I smile and pull out of Joshua’s embrace to lie on my back.
“Hello Doctor Love.” I smile.
“Hmm, Doctor Love has a ring to it. Although I would rather be known as Doctor Multiple.”
Joshua laughs out loud, “You really are a tool you know?”
Cameron bites his lip to stifle a smile and winks at me. “How are you feeling today?” he asks Joshua.
“Much better,” he replies. Cameron picks up Joshua’s file and starts to read it as he stands at the end of the bed. It still freaks me out that he is actually a qualified doctor. He reads something and frowns.
“What’s Murph doing?” Josh asks.