I bite my lip and my eyes instantly fill with tears as I realise that Joshua is hacking my computer. How long has he been sitting there waiting for me to close the programs? The cursor is flashing, waiting for a reply. I type.
Josh … I can’t.
I’m sorry.
I break into full-blown sobs and hold my hands over my mouth as I cry out loud and stare at the screen. He types again.
I love you.
Please see me.
I sob uncontrollably as the reality of this horrible situation crushes my heart. The cursor flashes again and I reply.
I can’t, Josh.
I’m not strong enough to be with you.
Just know that I will always love you.
Remember me.
X
I cry out loud as I grip my stomach in pain. The picture flashes and I click on it. Oh dear god, no. Not this … not this song. I try desperately to click out of it but it won’t let me, and the film clip of the song ‘Say Something’ by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera starts to play. Every time I hear this song I burst into tears. Why is he sending me this shit? Is he trying to send me round the twist? I bang on the buttons but I can’t get out of it and I become hysterical as the depressing song blares through my office. In desperation to stop it I bend to the floor, grab the electrical cord and rip it out of the wall, and the computer goes dead … just like my heart. I slump to the floor and lean up against the wall and sob. He needs to leave the country … I won’t survive much longer.
Joshua
I sit at the airport staring into space as we wait to board my jet. I am utterly gutted. The silence that surrounds me is stifling.
I look towards the doors for the ten thousandth time in the last hour.
“She’s not coming mate,” Cameron whispers as his eyes hold mine.
I nod as I drop my head. “I know,” I whisper in monotone.
Adrian puts his arm around me. “You will feel better when we get back to LA.” He shakes my shoulder in a reassuring gesture.
I sit slumped in my chair as I nod sadly, I don’t even have it in me to speak. The blistering memory of the last time I felt like this poisons me from within, when I was nineteen and heartbroken, sitting in an airport just like this waiting for a flight to LA … trying desperately to escape her love … or lack of it.
Ben sits opposite us, and his eyes search mine. “Do you want a coffee?” he asks as he raises his eyebrows.
“Yes,” I reply.
He stands and walks over to the stewardess. “How much longer?” he asks.
“Not long,” she replies.
“Good,” he mutters under his breath as he storms through the double doors.
Natasha
It’s Friday and I have survived Joshua’s leaving the country … just. I don’t even know if you can call it surviving. I’m running on autopilot like a zombie. If I think, I will crack … it’s easier to function with no feeling … block the hurt … block the pain … if only I could block the memories. I’ve been listening to ‘With or Without You’ by U2 on repeat for days … it seems so fitting to my situation. I honestly can’t live with or without him, how am I going to do this? I’ve been throwing myself into work to try and get on with it. I just wish I didn’t have to come to this stupid jail anymore. My job is really starting to piss me off. I think I need a change. Coby Allender totally freaked me out on my last visit to the courthouse when he stared at me like his next meal the whole time—he’s a frigging scary son of a bitch. Henry has assured me I am in the safe room today and he can’t see me so I guess that’s a bonus. I wait in the observation room in a daydream, with a prison warden sitting next to me. Where is that spunky boy anyway? Jaxon … Jasper … Johnathon, what’s his name again? At least his annoying flirting keeps my mind occupied and off serial killers and my beautiful Lamborghini. I’m starting to think of Joshua with fondness again: six days … it didn’t take long. The door opens behind me and I keep my eyes firmly on the window in front.
“Swap seats,” I hear a husky whispered voice say.
I turn to see Mr Cheeky falling into the seat beside me. “Hey Doc. Did you miss me?”
I smirk at him and turn my eyes back to the window. “Yes, totally.” I frown as I try to remember his name.