I nod again while looking down. If I don’t stay strong now we will never have a future together, I know that for sure.
“Tash, baby, talk to me. I can’t stand it when you’re upset like this.”
I shake my head, I can’t talk because if I do I will probably scream and lie on the floor in a two-year-old tantrum while trying to kick him.
“It’s ok, Josh. I get it,” I whisper as I wipe my mouth and fold my napkin while looking down.
“Get what?” he asks.
My eyes flick around to the bodyguards scattered around the room pretending not to look at us.
“I get why you don’t want to be with me, it’s ok.”
“What do you think you get?” he frowns.
I shrug. “Look, let’s not drag this through the mud any further. It’s not the Notebook right.” I scratch the back of my neck in frustration. “Let’s go home.” I look around the restaurant to escape his gaze.
“But you haven’t had dessert,” he says quietly.
“I’ve lost my appetite. Can you take me home please?” I lean down and pick up my bag from under the table. I take out my phone and check it.
He sits still, watching me. “I didn’t mean to say that about the other girls, ok.”
I nod and look down. “But you did, so let’s just leave it there.”
“What do you think you get?”
My eyes meet his. “I’m not a supermodel or gorgeous. I don’t do coke or gangbangs. I’m smart and geeky and I hold making love as something sacred that happens between two people who are in love. I’m still in love with you and you are not in love with me. I have told you that I want to work on us and spend some time together and you are not interested. That’s what I get.”
His eyes hold mine. “But you are gorgeous.”
I look down at my lap. “Obviously not enough, Josh. Let’s go.” I stand in a rush and gesture to my bodyguard toward the door. He nods and starts to exit the restaurant.
I stand quietly as I wait for Joshua to pay. He turns and smiles nervously at me.
“Let’s go,” he smiles as he puts his arm around me and ushers me out the door.
I don’t speak on the car trip home and he is babbling, something about horses and then some project at work. Then he is onto Cameron and Wilson. I just sit still and stare out the window as I listen. He’s unusually talkative and I am unusually quiet.
We get to my house and he parks the car. I turn to him. “Thank you, I will see you later.” I get out of the car in a rush.
He gets out also. “I will walk you up.”
“No, that’s not necessary. I’m fine.” I walk to my apartment in silence with him following me. What is he doing?
We get to my door and I open it and turn. “Thanks.” I give him a small smile. “I will see you at the hospital sometime.” He storms into my apartment. I roll my eyes and follow him in. Great, now he wants to fuck with my head even further. Of course he does, how stupid of me!
I put my keys on the bench and head to my kitchen. I put the kettle on.
“Tea please,” he calls from the lounge room.
What the hell is he playing at? I really want him to leave. Go back to the VIP Room, asshole.
Five minutes later I enter the lounge room with two cups of tea. “Here you are.” I place the two cups on the coffee table and my eyes flick to him. He has taken his shoes off and is lying on the lounge watching television. Hmm, what now?
I kick my shoes off and sit on the opposite lounge and tuck my feet under my legs. I sip my tea and pretend to watch television.
“For the record, the reasons that you think I don’t want you are the exact reasons I do want you,” he says flatly.