10/1/2006
I love him.
I love him and I can’t have him. We laugh all day and make out all night. He is perfect, my every dream.
My face drops.
14/1/2006
Things have turned physical between us. Last night we were both completely naked together. Joshua is so patient and gentle with me … he is teaching me how to orgasm. I love him so much, I need him in my life.
16/1/2006
He wore me down.
I couldn’t help it. Joshua has been trying to go down on me all week and I haven’t wanted him to. I’m embarrassed. Tonight he took over and wouldn’t listen to me. OMG. HE IS AMAZING. I took him in my mouth too but he wouldn’t come in my mouth. He tasted perfect. I never thought sex would be as beautiful as this.
I smile broadly, this is exactly how I remember everything. I wouldn’t come in her mouth because I didn’t want her first head job to be traumatising. My face drops as I realise that thought. I loved her even then.
18/1/2006
I want it to be Joshua. I want to give my virginity to him so he will always know that I love him. I don’t know how to ask him, he may not want to sleep with his cousin. WHY ARE WE RELATED?
I close my eyes in pain, why are we related?
19/1/2006
Joshua and I made love last night. It was beautiful and it fucking hurt. I am no longer a virgin. I told him I loved him but he didn’t say it back … it hurt my feelings.
I put the book down and rub my face with both hands. I knew I fucking hurt her. I can still remember the feeling of her hanging on to me so tightly. Christ, why the fuck am I reading this shit? It’s messing with my head. She always tells me she loves me and I never fucking say it back. What’s wrong with me?
23/1/2006
Joshua and I cannot get enough of each other. We sneak away every chance we get. We can’t stop, I will never get enough of him. We are now making love at least four times a night, it doesn’t hurt any more … it feels good … amazing. I’m addicted to his touch … to his love. We only have two more weeks together. Joshua told me he has never been in love before but he thinks he loves me. I hope he does!
I smile and keep reading
23/1/2006
Joshua makes me laugh. We get each other’s jokes when no one else understands what we are talking about. Even without the sex he is my perfect man, tall, athletic, smart. He looks at me this way when he thinks I’m not watching and he cracks his neck. It’s the hottest thing I have ever seen … it means he is getting hard. Ready for me, my new favourite thing is going down on him. I love watching him come apart … so hot.
I rearrange the erection in my boxer shorts. Reading that she loved going down on me even back then is a major turn on. I can remember how much she used to love it … it’s burned into my brain. My eyes flick to her half-naked body sprawled out on the bed. Ohh, you’re going to cop it baby girl when you wake up. Hard, I need it hard. I stroke myself to try and stop the need. I bend and kiss her stomach gently and my cock hardens further. God, I want her.
I hear the front door open. “Hey, it’s me,” Cameron calls from the lounge room.
I jump nervously and throw the diaries back into the box and kick it under the bed. I bend and kiss her thigh and quickly wrap a towel around myself to hide my erection. I head out to see him.
“Is she still out?” Cameron asks as he hands me a coffee.
“Thanks.” I take it and nod.
“What’s with the boner?” he smirks.
I look down to the obvious erection through the towel and I shrug.
“She’s unconscious,” Cameron says flatly.
I smirk and nod as I sip my coffee. “I know.” My eyes meet his.