“I see.” My eyes must be the size of saucers. He comes around behind me and cuddles me. He’s right. I really want to kick his sorry ass out right now…deep breaths…deep breaths. Why did I promise to not get the shits when I so clearly have a reason to?
“So you can see I have no feelings for her and you don’t need to worry, baby.” He’s talking way too fast…deep breaths.
“How often do you see prostitutes, Joshua?”
He winces and goes silent. “Don’t call me that,” he whispers.
“It’s your name isn’t it?” I snap.
“Yes, but you only call me that when you are shitty if you haven’t noticed.” Hmm, I hadn’t noticed actually.
“Josh, I told you I won’t get the shits but I need to know what I’m up against here.”
“You’re not up against anything. You know I only care about you. Please don’t make any more of this than it is.”
I look at him deadpan. “Answer the question.”
“I don’t like to date, Tash, and you know I have a…high sex drive.” He swallows and is tripping over his words. “It’s not something I can control, the sex drive thing.”
“Why don’t you like to date?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t.” My voice drips with sarcasm. “Please elaborate.”
He starts to run both hands through his hair. I know he is feeling out of control of this situation.
“Women I date always get…attached and well… My heart is already taken…by you.” He reaches for me and I pull my arm away instinctively. I am not supposed to be getting emotional here…deep breaths…deep breaths.
I put my head into my hands. “How often?”
“Tash, please baby, it doesn’t matter. It is in the past.”
“Joshua! So help me. Answer the goddamn question or I am going to be wearing your balls for earrings.”
He stifles a smile and raises his eyebrows. “Really. Earrings?”
I do wide eyes at him. “Really. Don’t push it. I’m great with a butter knife.” I pull out the drawer. “And I have a few handy here you know.” He smiles again. “Please, Josh, just tell me. I thought we discussed honesty. I need the truth.”
He looks down and ticks his jaw. “At least once a week.”…FUCK… I was hoping for once a year.
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “We haven’t been wearing condoms. Am I going to get an STD?”
He looks mortified. “I’m always safe. You’re the only person I would ever go bareback with. How could you think such a thing?” I frown—is this the frigging twilight zone? He tells me he has sex with prostitutes all the time but I’m out of line for asking about STDs.
“So you have never had sex without a condom with anyone else?”
He shakes his head. “No and I don’t want to. Only you, who I can’t stand to be separated from.” He pulls me into his arms and goes in for a kiss but I keep my lips tightly sealed shut.
He pulls back. “You’re mad.”
“No,” I lie.
“Yes you are, I can tell.”
“I’m disappointed, Joshua.”
“Stop frigging calling me that, call me baby,” he whispers. I smile…why does he have to be so damn cute. “Isn’t that a song?” he smiles and blows out a breath.