He didn’t care about me. Neither of them cared at all about me.
Lee was right, I’d degraded myself.
§
I called Aaron when I got home at three in the morning. He was driving to Barrie with Wils in the car. He answered his phone just by breathing in smoke.
‘My, my, Myra,’ he said on the exhale.
‘Are you ever gonna stop smoking?’ I asked him. Female problems where you can’t have sex, I looked that up on Wikipedia.
Aaron coughed crap. ‘Not gonna stop if I can help it, baby. Why do you ask?’
‘Does Wils even like me?’ I asked.
‘Why do you always want to know about yourself?’ Aaron asked back.
‘I’m just curious.’
‘And narcissistic?’
‘Whatever. No.’
I counted on Aaron to be nice to me. He didn’t know that I just wanted to get fucked, as quickly as I could. Gayl could’ve had adnexitis, I read – inflammation of the Fallopian tubes, the uterus, the ovaries too.
‘Wils is in love with someone, Myra, someone you know and fucking like! Okay. Hang on, I’ll put you on speaker so you can ask him yourself.
Aaron took another long bubble hit. I heard Wils say, ‘Be careful, man.’
‘Wils, please tell Myra what it is that you love most about our lady Lee.’
‘She’s not who you think she is,’ I said before Wils could talk. I don’t know why I said that. I was conscious that it wasn’t right, that it was betrayal. But I felt it inside me: I had to fuck something up.
‘Lee’s my partner. It’ll be two years in December.’
> ‘I think you don’t know everything about her.’
‘What the fuck is she talking about, Aar?’
‘Hey, hey! Myra’s cool. What’s going on, Myra, are you being, like, psychic or something?’
‘What does that mean?’ Wils said.
‘It means that she’s smart, like, her body is an instrument.’
I was surprised that Aaron said that, considering what was going on, I mean, what I wanted from him. Nothing physical had happened with us in a while.
‘Maybe Myra will help you with Lee,’ I heard Aaron say.
‘Lee’s elusive,’ Wils said. ‘And I don’t need any help.’
‘So how’s your sex?’ I asked.
‘Don’t be so crude, Myra, Jesus!’ Wils shouted. A truck honked. ‘Aaron, slow the fuck down!’
‘You’ve made her come?’
‘Fuck you.’