She slept restlessly, somehow managing to keep away from Alex even when she did doze, waking up with a start the one time she sensed herself moving across the bed towards him. Daylight was breaking as she opened her eyes, and after the lapse she had just had she daren't fall asleep again, but lay awake until she heard Courtney's early morning cry, and hurried to his room before he woke Alex, wanting no recriminating conversations this morning.
She didn't see her husband until breakfast time. The four of them breakfasted together, Alex having taken a day off work so that he could drive her parents to the airport. It was a thoughtful gesture, and one Morgan knew her parents appreciated. Unfortunately it also meant she had his company for the entire day, and by his frosty manner towards her she knew she was far from forgiven for the last two nights of avoiding his touch.
Her mother came into the nursery to help her dress Courtney for the drive. 'He's so much like Glenna,' she said tearfully.
All Morgan could see in the baby was Alex, but she nodded anyway, concentrating on the tiny button at the neck of the sweater Courtney wore.
'We really have enjoyed being here, Morgan.' Her mother took the baby as Morgan cleared away the baby's toiletries. 'Alex has made us so welcome. And it's so nice to see how happy you are together.' She played with Courtney as she talked, so she didn't notice how pale Morgan was. 'I must say your father and I felt some serious misgivings when you and Alex decided to get married—we wondered if it wasn't just for Courtney's sake even though you told us you loved Alex. And that would have been disastrous.'
'Yes,' she agreed dully.
'But anyone can see how happy the two of you are together,' her mother smiled. 'We're so pleased for you, Morgan.'
'Yes,' she smiled again'.
'I still can't say I like the rest of the family,' her mother grimaced. 'But at least Alex had the sense not to stay in the same house as his mother.'
'Yes. We'd better be going down, Mom,' Morgan suggested lightly. 'We don't have too long to get to the airport.' She hated deceiving her mother like this, but the pain of her discovery was so new she couldn't talk to anyone about it.
She sat in the back of the Mercedes with her mother and Courtney, her father seated beside Alex, although she was aware of his gaze on her often in the driving mirror, as if her behaviour the last two days was bothering him.
And no wonder—her coldness now was the complete antithesis of her manner with him the last three months. She had always been pleased to see him, to be with him, to make love with him, and now she couldn't even bare his touch, evading his hands as he would have helped her out of the car with Courtney when they reached the airport.
His eyes flashed with anger before he turned to help her father with the luggage.
Heathrow Airport was hardly the place for a tearful farewell, but as her parents went through Customs Morgan couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears, accepting the comfort of Alex's arm about her shoulders, unable to reject him in her desolation. She suddenly felt very much alone, alien, as if her parents departure had left her in a vacuum.
'Would you like Mrs Whitney to take care of Courtney this evening?' Alex offered on the drive home. 'We could go out to dinner.'
'No!' She swallowed hard, biting back her vehemence. 'I don't want to leave Courtney just yet, not when he hasn't been well the last two days,' she said more calmly.
'I just thought you might be feeling a bit of anticlimax now that your parents have gone.' He shrugged. 'Courtney is well enough today, isn't he?' he frowned.
'Well ... yes. But I just want to give it one more day to make sure.'
'I was only thinking of you.'
'I know—and I'm grateful. I just '
'Don't want to be alone with me,' he finished grimly. 'What have I done, Morgan?' He turned to look at her, an expression of bewilderment in his eyes. 'I thought you were happy with me, that we were happy together.'
'We are,' she nodded, avoiding his gaze.
'Then why—Never mind,' he bit out impatiently. 'I can guess!'
'Guess what?' She blinked at him.
'It isn't important,' he dismissed harshly.
But it was, very important—she knew that. She was destroying what closeness they had by her silence, and yet to question Alex, to be told the truth, could destroy her.
For the first time since they had been married Alex spent the evening in his study working. At least, that was what he said he was doing, and Morgan didn't doubt that he could find work to do, but she knew it wasn't the necessity to work that had influenced his decision. He was avoiding her too now.
They were still avoiding each other when they went to bed early that night, each using the bathroom in silence. Alex was wearing the black silk pajama trousers now. and Morgan's own nightgown was more than adequate covering.
He didn't even attempt to touch her as they lay side by side in the bed, neither of them talking but neither of them asleep either. Alex punched his pillow into a more comfortable position from time to time, but other than that his broad back was presented to her in cold silence.
Morgan tried to hold back her tears, knowing that if he heard her sobs he would demand an explanation right now. But the tears refused to remain checked, falling silently down her cheeks and wetting her pillow.
'This is damned ridiculous!' Alex suddenly exploded, making Morgan jump with the fierceness of his mood, then he pulled her over on to her back, looming over her in the darkness. 'I can't—Morgan, you're crying!' he groaned as he felt her tears with his thumb tips. 'Darling, what is it?' he demanded gently. 'What's wrong with you? Tell me and we can work it out.'
She shook her head, sobbing in earnest now, putting up no resistance as he pulled her close against his chest, clinging to him unashamedly.
'Morgan, speak to me!' he groaned into her hair. 'Tell me what I've done.'
'Nothing. You've done nothing,' she choked.
'Then why are you crying?' He smoothed her hair back from her face, drying her checks with his fingers. 'I've behaved badly the last two days,' he sighed. 'You're entitled to say no if you want to.' His eyes darkened. 'But I just can't do without you, I need you all the time. Darling .. .!' he lowered his head with a groan.
For several seconds she let him kiss her, and then she couldn't stand it any more, wondering if he were imagining she were Glenna. She pushed against his chest, twisting her face aside to wrench her mouth from his. 'No!' It was like the cry of a wounded animal.
Alex was breathing hard as he looked down at her. 'No?'
She shook her head silently, the tears flowing anew as she looked up at him.
He closed his eyes for several long painful seconds, taking deep controlling breaths as his fingers bit into the tender flesh of her shoulders.
'Alex, I think I should go back to the States,' she told him in a trembling voice.
His lids were lifted, his eyes narrowed. 'You're homesick? The visit from your parents has made you aware that you miss it more than you realised?'
She shook her head. ' love it here. I— just think I should go.'
'Why?' he demanded abruptly.
She avoided his gaze. 'I just—I can't ' she
moistened her lips. 'I don't think I can '
'Make love with me any more,' he finished grimly, throwing back the bedcovers to begin pulling on his clothes. 'That's it, isn't it? When it comes down to cold facts you don't want me near you, do you?'
Morgan flinched at the contempt in his voice. 'Alex,
'Do you?' he bit out between gritted teeth. She swallowed hard. 'No,' she admitted miserably. Alex drew in a ragged breath, still for a moment, and then he was dressing more speedily, his expression harsh as he pulled on his jacket. 'That's what I thought. I tried to tell myself you were different, and your eagerness to make love these last months seemed to prove that,' his mouth twisted. 'You just wanted your hold over me to be all the stronger, didn't you?' he accused contemptuously. 'God, you're a better actress than I gave you credit for—you acted the willing lover so well——'
'I was willing.' She sat up, her expression pleading.
He halted at the door. 'Was, in the past tense,' he dismissed angrily. 'Well, I'm not as hooked as you thought I was, Morgan. I want you, yes, I could probably even make love to you now if you asked me to, but / never ask you again. You'll never make me plead and beg for your body.'
'Alex!' she cried as he opened the door. 'Where are you going?'
'Out! I can't bear to be near you, Morgan.' His mouth twisted. 'You're everything I thought you weren't, every foul name a tease like you can be called. Well, I watched a decent and proud man controlled and manipulated all his life by his desire for one woman's body; I'm not about to fall into the same trap myself!'
"Alex. ..?'
Your timing is all wrong, Morgan,' he told her vehemently. 'Another few months and maybe, just maybe, I might have been so captivated by you that I fell into that trap. But not yet.'
'Alex, don't leave like this!' She swung her legs to the floor, intending to go to him. 'Let's talk. I'll explain------------ '
'I'm not interested in explanations,' he scorned. 'I don't need them now.'
'But you can't go out!'
'Why not? It's only eleven o'clock. And I know several women who would be glad to give me a bed for the night. Pleasant dreams, Morgan,' he taunted before leaving the room, the sound of his car leaving the house seconds later telling her that he had indeed gone.
CHAPTER TEN
MORGAN sat on the side of the bed for several stunned minutes, just staring at the closed door. Alex had gone to another woman. And she had forced him into it.
But surely he wouldn't really go to another woman's bed? It would be a betrayal of all they had shared. And hadn't she betrayed the marriage vows she had made to him, the agreement she had made with him, by refusing to make love with him? If he went to another woman tonight it would be her own fault.