“I knew you might have difficulty, and I’m not surprised.” He buried his head against her, holding her tightly while she clung to him and they cried. “It hurts like hell, Em, but we don’t have a choice. I figure there’s a little angel in heaven who loves us as much as we love him.”
“Why is life—” She couldn’t finish through her tears.
“So damn hard?” he offered. “I don’t know. There aren’t answers for some questions. When I’m ninety—if I make it that far—I’ll cry for my son. As long as I live, I’ll miss him.”
“I will, too. Why aren’t we more of a comfort to each other?”
“I don’t know. I guess because that loss is a mountain of sadness and blame and guilt between us. It hurts, so go ahead and cry,” he said quietly.
She looked up at him while tears still ran down her cheeks. Tom pulled out a clean, folded handkerchief and dabbed at her cheeks as they gazed at each other.
“You’re a comfort to me now. I wish I could be for you, but I can see in your eyes that I’m not.”
“Shh, Em. There’s a point where it’s just too much pain. Over our baby I should have saved. Guys that should have made it home and didn’t.”
“You just seem to go somewhere where I can’t reach you.”
He pulled her close again and held her tightly.
She stopped sobbing and became quiet. Raising her head, she wiped her eyes. “I’m making us late.”
“If there is anyone on earth who will understand people stopping to grieve, it’s Natalie. She and Jeremy were so in love. Take your time. The kids will play and Natalie will be fine. I’ll call her. We’re only a minute or two from where we’re going. She’ll understand, believe me.” Tom continued to stroke Emily’s head lightly, wishing he could do more but knowing he couldn’t.
“I’m sorry Natalie is widowed, but I’m glad we’ll be with someone who will understand if I lose it again. That doesn’t usually happen when I’m out with people, but this is different.”
“I know it is, and sometimes the memory of losing Ryan just comes at you out of the blue.”
When she shifted to brush a light kiss on his cheek, he looked down at her. “You’re a great guy, Tom. I’ve been lucky.”
He frowned, studying her intently. “Thanks, Em. That makes me feel better. We’ve had some rough times and we’ll have more. I want to help, not be part of the problem.”
She looked straight ahead. “You are a help. We got through the rough times until now, so hopefully, we’ll get through what’s ahead,” she said. Her voice held a sad note, and he wondered if she dreaded the divorce or wished they could go ahead sooner and get it now.
He put his hand behind her head and pulled her close to kiss her lightly, tenderly, hoping he conveyed the bond he knew they would always have. Even after they divorced and went their separate ways, memories of Ryan would always be there between them.
She moved away from him and he let her go. “I’m ready. She’ll know I’ve been crying, but you said she would understand.”
“She definitely will, and I told her this might be tough for you. It was for me the first time I was in the park after the wreck.”
“Let’s go meet them. I’m pulled together. Thanks for being patient and understanding.”
“I feel the same as you do, so it’s damn easy to be understanding.”
He pulled out and returned to the main drive, winding through the park beneath tall oaks until he got to another parking spot near the pond, where a picnic table was already spread.
“There they are—including their dog,” Tom said. “Miss Molly is a well-trained golden retriever and as long as we’re the only folks out here, she’s okay running free, because she sticks close to the kids. She loves those kids. If other families come out, Natalie has a lead she can put Miss Molly on.
“I told you about Colby. He’s standoffish, but he’ll warm up. He knows me well now, so he’s usually responsive around me. I try to not push him,” Tom said as he parked. “They’re really great kids.”
Emily lightly placed her hand on his arm. “You sound happy. You like being with a family and kids. That’s what you need, Tom, your own family, your own kids. The sooner we divorce, the sooner you’ll have that life.”
Frowning slightly, he parked and studied her. “If you marry again, would you be willing to adopt a child?”
“I’ve never thought about that. I suppose I would, because the only reason I didn’t want to with us was I wanted another Ryan for you,” she replied. “The only way we could have a child who would be like you would be if you fathered the child. That’s why I held out to not adopt. I kept expecting to get pregnant. If I marry someone else—that wouldn’t matter, so yes, I’d adopt.”
He had decided long ago they would each be better off if they divorced. Now he knew they would. Emily would have a family and the life she wanted.
He needed to call Nathan and see if they had found any more clues about Maverick. Because Tom felt more strongly than ever that he needed to get out of Emily’s life.