11
Kinsley
He’s standing in the doorway, no doubt wanting an easy escape. He never knows what to do with feelings, and right now he’s all messed up.
I jut my chin at him. “Now what?”
He wraps his arms tighter around his chest. He won’t look at me, but at least he answers me. “Now you go back to Los Angeles... to your job... to your life.”
I stand up and I can feel my chin quiver. Don’t cry, Kinsley. “Is that what you want?”
He doesn’t answer my question; he turns it around to something else. “It’s how it should be.”
I nod and walk toward him. He moves, no doubt expecting me to walk down the hallway to grab my things, but I surprise him when I stop next to him. “You’re a coward, Colt Stone.”
He laughs, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Really, a coward? Is that the best you got?”
“Yes. Because it’s the truth. I’m here. I followed you here to be with you. We made love last night. I told you I loved you. And you’re afraid. Shit gets a little dicey, and you push me away. I thought you were different. I thought you realized what it was like without me and would do anything to keep me. But you didn’t. You’re a coward.”
He doesn’t answer me, and I swat my hand on his chest. “Look at me. The least you can do is look at me before you break my heart again.”
He lowers his head, and I’m about to tell him off when I see the unshed tears welling in his eyes. And then it hits me. “You don’t want me to leave,” I breathe soft and low to him.
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”
I put my hand on his waist, and he jerks at my touch. “Well, tell me what does matter.”
“You safe. That’s what matters.”
I shake my head. “And don’t you realize when I’m with you, I am safe.”
He clenches his eyes tight, and when he opens them, a lone tear trails down his cheek. “You were almost killed because of me, Kins. My job is dangerous. Look at the last few days. I can’t have you in danger... I won’t.”
I take a deep breath, and finally I start to calm. He’s not trying to get rid of me because he doesn’t want me; he’s trying to get rid of me because he doesn’t want me hurt. “Okay.”
I walk past him and into the bedroom. I avoid looking at the bed where he took me over and over last night. I tune out the fact that there’s a possibility I could be pregnant right now because we didn’t use protection. I work things out in my head, trying to find a way to stay here because I can’t lose him again.
I set my suitcase on the dresser and start folding items and putting them in. I see Colt’s shadow before I see him, and he comes and stands in the doorway. “I guess since I’m going back to California, I should go ahead and tell you my plans.”
He doesn’t ask, but at least he’s looking at me now.
“I’m twenty-eight now, Colt. I’ve spent the majority of my life loving you, waiting on you, and you keep pushing me away. I don’t want to be alone. So the next guy that asks me out, I’m going to go. It’s going to kill me, but I’m going to go. And if I find a nice guy that I like – not love, because I’ll never love anyone but you – but if I like him, I’m going to explain to him that I’ll never love him and I’ll explain to him why I can’t, but if he still wants to marry me then I’m going to marry him.” I walk over to where he’s standing. I know I’m hurting him, but I need him to wake up. “Are you going to be okay with that? Me married to another man? My kids calling another man Daddy? Is that what you want?”
He’s staring at me with a haunted look. His knees buckle, and he falls at my feet. His hands are gripping my waist roughly, and I lean down to cradle his face to my chest.
His voice is thick and gravely with emotion. “I can’t lose you, Kinsley. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I should put you on a plane and try to forget you, but God help me, I can’t. You deserve better than me, but I promise no one will love you like I do. No one will protect you like I do.”
I shake my head. “I know all that, and I don’t want anyone but you. I love you. I always have and I always will.”
I drop down to my knees in front of him, and he wraps me in his arms. “I’m a fool. I’m such a fool.”