"You don't have to keep sharing," I tell him. For some reason, I don't want to hear more about the “sexual” Shaalyn. "I was just being nosy."
"It's all right." Adiron thinks for a moment and then goes on. "I was obsessed with Shaalyn for months. I'm sure some of it was because I'd just gotten out of the military and that was its own kind of hell. I was looking for something or someone to latch onto, and she was beautiful and loving and everything I thought I wanted. I was madly in love with her. I think she's the only female I've ever fallen in love with before now, of course."
"Of course." I decide not to stew on that. Everyone has a past.
"Turns out that Shaalyn's sweetness was an act," Adiron says. "She robbed me and my brothers and nearly got us killed. Took our ship, too. That was my fault. I gave her a system-access pass one night so she could sneak on board." He sighs heavily. "Mathiras was so keffing mad at me, too. We had to pay a large ransom for the Little Sister and I just felt stupid. Really stupid."
And hurt, I imagine. I squeeze his arm. Poor Adiron. "And after that, you stopped trusting people?" I ask quietly.
He looks over at me and grins. "No, of course not. One bad seed doesn't ruin the entire orchard."
What a remarkably positive outlook. It's one I can't share, not after being enslaved, abused, and abandoned. "Says a man who's never had anything truly bad happen to him," I reply, a hint of acidity in my tone. Adiron's a happy type because he's from a wealthy family and the worst thing that's ever happened to him was that he was hoodwinked by a woman. We should all be so lucky.
"Mmm." He looks over at me. "I was in the war for three years. Front lines, because I was a third son. I lost everyone in my first regiment. Got reassigned. I had friends die in my arms while I tried to stop the bleeding. My best friend went home in pieces, a broken shell of himself. He's living alone on an abandoned base on an asteroid right now because he can't function around people." He thinks for a moment. "Well, he's no longer alone, but whatever. And when Shaalyn robbed us, she stabbed me three times and left me for dead, all while I pleaded with her not to do it because I loved her. But maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just lucky."
My throat goes dry.
There's no judgment in his tone, but…I feel like an asshole. I stop, turning to look at him. "Adiron, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't realize."
Adiron's smile is effortlessly bright and easy. He takes my hand in his and lifts it to his mouth, kissing my knuckles again. "You didn't know. I don't share, most times. And bad shit happens to everyone. I just prefer to live my life with pleasure instead of dealing with the pain. I can let the bad things swamp me or I can learn from my mistakes."
I smile. It's a beautiful way of looking at things. I'm envious of how easy he makes it sound. Just ignore the ugly bits and the dark spots. Focus on the light and the happy. My fingers tingle where he brushes his lips over my skin, and I'm disappointed when he lowers my hand. I'd almost prefer that he start making out with my hand than return it to me, which is a little ridiculous. "So, have you? Learned from your mistakes?"
"Uh…it's a process." He grins, tucking my hand into his arm again.
I can't help it—I laugh. That's such an Adiron response. I love it. "You'll get there."
The door to the bridge is at the end of the hall, and Adiron steers me toward it. They open automatically as we approach, revealing the large, lonely bridge and the view of deep space. "The good things outweigh the bad in my life," Adiron says finally. "So those are the ones I focus on."
"Like Zoey and your brothers."
"And you." He gazes down at me.
Instantly, I'm breathless. "You just met me."
"Yeah, but some things you just know about." He smiles and leans in, and I wonder for a moment if he's going to kiss me. "Does this count as walking you home, by the way? Because I've seen the human vids. I know what happens at the end of a date."
Seems like we're on the same wavelength. I tilt my head, regarding him. "You've just got a one-track mind, don't you?"
"Two tracks, actually. But they're both going in the same direction." He shrugs. "And we've got this big, empty, cold ship. Who better to warm you up than me?"
I pretend to consider his offer. In reality, there's not much to consider. What's a little bit of harmless sex? I like him, I need a distraction, and he's just the man for the job. "Can we check for messages first?"