“Hey!” I say, trying to sound cheery. I don’t want her worrying about me.
“How’s jolly old Bangkok?” she asks.
“It’s amazing,” I say. A few hours ago, it wouldn’t have been a lie. It is now.
I’m holding back tears. The sound of her voice is making me miss her and home so much more now. I just want to get back there and retreat to a time when none of this happened. Back in my old bed and my old fantasies about my boss. No longer having to deal with these feelings. In fact, I want to go back and choose to not apply for this job.
“What’s wrong?” Emma asks.
“Nothing at all. Why?”
I hear her sigh. “Dude, come on. We’ve been friends for long enough. You think I don’t know when something is bothering you?”
I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Tears sting my eyes. I try hard not to cry. I don’t want her to hear my voice crack. I clear my throat. “I’m homesick I guess.” My voice cracks. Ugh. Now she’s going to know.
“You’re crying,” she says. “What happened?”
“It’s Luke,” I reply.
“I’ll kill him.”
“Thanks, I appreciate the thought.”
“Honey, before you carry on, I have to tell you the sex is never as good when you’re sober.”
I laugh through my tears. “No. It’s not the sex. That was even better when I was sober.” My voice cracks again. I really hate that.
“Then why are you so upset? Come on. Tell Aunty Emma what happened?” she prompts soothingly.
“I have feelings for him,” I confess sheepishly.
“You think I don’t know that?” She laughs. “I’ve known since the moment you told me you got the job there in Danny’s Bar. Your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when you talked about him.”
“Really?” I wish I was better at hiding things. I wish I was like him.
“Yes, really.”
“He asked me out on a date, tonight,” I say.
“And it didn’t go well?”
A tear rolls down my cheek. I dash it away. “No, it didn’t.”
“What happened?”
I tell her about the date and how well it was going, how he acted when he came back from the bathroom, and what he said about mixing business and pleasure because of his dad.
“Now I feel like a complete idiot,” I finish.
“Sweetie, this is all on him. If he’s got some weird daddy issues, he should have stayed away from you. He especially shouldn’t have asked you on a real date. Listen, I’ve got to get to work. I’m running really late. But don’t let that son of a bitch get you down. If he’s too scared to be with you, that’s his loss not yours.”
“Thank you, Emma,” I say.
“No problem.”
We hang up, and I instantly feel alone again. I felt better when I was talking to her, but now that the loneliness has sunk in once again, my heart is starting to hurt all over.
I know it’s going to be a long night for me.
Chapter 18
Luke
It’s morning and bright outside the window. I didn’t get much sleep last night. The way the night ended with Jade drove me crazy. I wanted to say more to her, but everything I could think of saying felt like it would make me sound even more pathetic than I already am.
I don’t feel good.
I kept mulling over how things could have been different if I hadn’t run into Matt last night. Jade and I would have left and came back here. I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off of her. Hell, maybe we would have even had sex in the limo. If we didn’t have sex in the limo, we would have tumbled into bed together and went wild. It would have been amazing.
Damn Matt for ruining our night. The way he spoke about her made me see red. I overreacted and took it out on her. There was another way, a much better way to do this. I spring out of bed, shower, and leave the suite before Jade wakes up. I don’t want to see her yet. I’m not ready to face her. I need to think and figure out what the hell I’m feeling.
I don’t feel good.
I almost wish I hadn’t brought her with me on this trip. That I could go back to the uncomplicated days when she was my plain PA. So fucking drab sometimes, I didn’t even know she was there. The job just magically got done. Fuck! I really am a bastard.
I go downstairs to the restaurant and all I can think of is being here with Jade. I look at the long buffet table heaped with every kind of breakfast item imaginable and find that I can’t even face the thought of food. I pour myself a cup of coffee, find a seat at a table facing the large windows, and go back to thinking about Jade.