I shook my head. “I’m done.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“Come on Abigail. This is not like you.”
She sniffed loudly, attracting the attention of other diners. “Don’t make a rush decision,” she said. “Give us a chance. Please.”
“I’m really sorry, but I’m not the man for you, Abigail,” I said as kindly as I could.
Charlotte
Kayden was enjoying the morning sun as I pushed his stroller back home from the grocery store. He was making happy noises and pointing at everything from passing cars to flowers by the sidewalk.
Everything in Kayden’s world was perfect and I wanted it to remain so, but it wouldn’t be if I lost my job.
I was a beat away from bursting into tears. Who knew how scarce child care was in my small town. It was my third day of staying home from work and as understanding as Hannah was, she was a business owner and she needed a full-time chef at the diner.
Not to mention I needed a job as well to keep a roof over my and Kayden’s heads. The skin around my head tightened with tension. Nausea rose up my throat as I sifted through a list of possible babysitters.
I had called all the numbers that Lulu had given me. There was a lady who took on children two streets from mine but she already had four and that was the most she could watch. I had called a daycare but the owner had shut down six months earlier from low business.
I held back a scream of frustration mingled with fear. I thought about Alex. He was Kayden’s dad and some of the responsibility was his. But what could he do from New York? Besides I hadn’t yet decided when to tell him about Kayden or even whether to tell him.
Before we slept together, I’d more or less decided that I would tell him. Then we’d had sex and he had returned to New York leaving me a stupid note. I had read it so many times, its contents were ingrained in my mind.
Chaz,
It seems as if you and I were cut out to disappear from each other’s lives. I’m grateful to have seen you again and met your awesome boy. You’re a great mom and Kayden is lucky to have you.
Seeing you has brought me the closure I craved for so many years. I had so many questions and even though I didn’t get any answers, it’s fine. It doesn’t matter now. All that happened is water under the bridge.
I wish you and Kayden well and I know you wish me the same. My number will be at the bottom. Don’t ever hesitate to call when you need me. I’ll always be there for you and Kayden.
Take care.
After that note, I had been so hurt by his sudden departure that I’d forgotten that I’d planned to tell him about Kayden. I’d felt used and then discarded. Not a good feeling. Then a voice had pointed out that it was the same thing I had done to Alex. Only worse. Much worse.
We had been married and in a ruthless letter, I’d wiped our marriage out like it had never existed in the first place. Sometimes, especially after seeing Alex, I questioned myself on whether I had made a horrible mistake. Done things the wrong way. But I reminded myself I was panicked and didn’t want to destroy Alex’s life and it was the right choice.
Every time I remembered that having sex with Alex had been what had driven him away, I bowed down my head in shame. What must he have thought of me, throwing myself at him like a woman in heat, which I was. I wished I could turn back the clock. I definitely would not have slept with Alex.
If I hadn’t, things would have been different. Maybe Kayden would have finally had his father in his life.
Regrets were a waste of time and no matter how much I rearranged the past, it didn’t change the fact that I was about to lose my job and my livelihood.
I rounded a corner and the first thing I saw was an unfamiliar car outside my barn house. The owner was nowhere to be seen and when I saw that the front door was slightly open, my heart galloped in my chest.
There was only one person who could enter my house without my knowledge or permission. Alex. With a lightness in my chest, I pushed the stroller to the front door, pulled it open and entered.
Alex was stretched out on the couch reading a magazine and when he heard the door, he looked up. A smile broke out on his face as he swung his long legs to sit up.
“Hey buddy,” he said to Kayden. “Look around Kayden, Christmas has come early.”
I finally dragged my eyes from his face to the living room floor. I gasped at the number of toys on the floor. It resembled a children’s play area. Kayden had seen the toys too and in his unsuccessful quest to get out of the stroller, he’d started sniffling.