“I’m sorry.” My neck is tense, so I rub at the muscles, trying to find the right words. “Look, I know we can’t be together anymore because—”
“You like someone else,” she blurts out as I say at the same time, “I’m a stalker.”
I wince and shake my head. “Nae, I don’t. It’s just this thing…with my dad.”
“I was with you for a year, Canyon. Even though I lost you last spring to your sadness and then in the summer to your anger, I still know you. I know your expressions and your moods.”
“It’s not like that, though.” It feels like a lie. I don’t know what it’s like. “I’m just…”
“Confused?”
“Lost.”
Her hard expression fades as she steps closer, her caring eyes probing me. “It’s not like it’s a surprise to me.”
“What?”
“That you like guys too.”
I frown at her. “How could you possibly think that?”
“Aside from this whole Alis Sommers thing,” she says, making me fidget at the mention of his name, “I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at attractive guys before. There’s interest there. Sometimes, more so than with me. I’d say you’re bisexual.”
“I never looked at anyone while we were together,” I argue instead of admitting that she’s right. “It was always you.”
“Until it was him.”
Fuck. This is not how I saw this conversation going.
“Nae, can I be super fucking selfish and ask for something?”
“You can. Doesn’t mean I’ll give it to you.”
“I need you,” I say, sliding off the hood of my car to stand in front of her. “I need us.”
“There is no us.” Her brows scrunch. “I can’t be your girlfriend.”
“I understand,” I murmur, lifting my thumb to stroke her shiny, dark cheek. “But I need my best friend back. You’re the only one who gets me. Damon is cool, but with me quitting football, him and the other guys are kind of pissed at me. I’ve been avoiding them.”
“You see what you’re doing to yourself?” Naomi asks in a soft tone. “Your anger is cutting you off from everyone you care about.”
“I know. I am trying to fix at least one of those wrongs. Please, Nae, don’t let this be the end for us. I’m sorry I was a selfish prick who treated you as an accessory rather than a person. We can still be friends, right? I still want to hear you bitch about this stupid job you hate and your bratty sister. I’m pretty sure you miss discussing Mubona Ikari and want to hear all about the fact my room is clean.”
“I don’t miss Mubona Ikari.” She shakes her head, making a sour expression. “And it is not. Your room is always a disaster.”
“Alis cleaned it.”
Her dark eyes widen. “He was at your house?”
“Apparently, he’s teaching Carrie some violin shit. She seemed pretty happy about it.”
“So, not only did he go to your house, but he also cleaned your room and survived?” She laughs. “Now that is a surprise. You’re right. You’ve hooked me. I need to know more.”
“Everything you said was true. The stalking and the anger. And, somewhere over the past few days, it’s transformed into something else. I don’t know what’s happening to me, and I have no one who I love or trust to discuss it with. Just you.” I sigh and look up at the sky. “It’s a dick move to ask you to be that person for me, but I’m going crazy, Nae.”
She laughs and pats my chest. “You were always a little unhinged. Now you finally see it.”
“Ha. Ha.” I look down at her, my brow lifted in faux annoyance.
“All right,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “We can be friends. But I need something from you too.”
“Name it.”
“I’m going to get out there and start dating again. For several months, I’ve felt alone while inside a relationship. Helpless to do anything about it. I want to make sure you’re going to be okay because I love you for some dumb reason, but I want you to support me when I start seeing someone else. If you’re going to act like a dick and pissy about it, then I’ll know all of this talk was bullshit.” She places her hands on her hips, lifting a brow as if daring me to argue. “That’s the deal.”
“As long as it’s not Alis, you can date whoever you want.”
“You’re not my dad, so I can date whoever I want regardless of what you think, but I have to say, I’m not at all shocked.”
“It’s just because he’s gay, and it’d be a waste of time,” I grumble, not meeting her penetrative stare.
“Right. And because you like him.”
“I do not like him. Not like that.”
“I thought we were supposed to be friends now. You really going to sit there and lie to me?”
“That’s the part that doesn’t make sense.” I spear my fingers through my hair, messing it up. “I don’t like him. At all. In fact, I’ve destroyed our relationship because of it.” I gesture between us. “But, I’m fucking attracted to him, Nae. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”