Marx Girl

I smile and kiss his chest. “This is so typical of you.”

“What is?”

“You’re about to go to Syria to steal a nuclear weapon back, yet you’re worried about me staying in my damn apartment alone.”

He smiles, and kisses my lips. “Are you going to be okay? Honestly?”

My eyes search his and I know that my world will stop turning until he’s in my arms again, but I’m going to fake it. “Yes, of course I will.” I pause, and I feel the tears building again.

Cut it out. Be the army wife he deserves.

“Do you know how much I love you, Ben?” I whisper.

He nods, and rolls me until I’m beneath him. His lips drop to my neck and he sucks at it slowly. “I’m going to be back soon, angel, and we can start our life together.” He slides into my body. “I promise.”

I stare at the ceiling, unable to answer because of the painful lump in my throat. He slowly rides me, his head buried in the curve of my neck.

Freedom comes at a heavy price.

“We’re ready to board now.” The stewardess smiles.

We walk to the boarding terminal, hand in hand. Ben is dropping me to my private flight to Australia. Adrian is waiting on the plane to accompany me on my flight. It has just landed from L.A. Ben wouldn’t let me fly alone. With the kids, it was hard for Tash to come for the flight only, so Adrian has come.

At least I get to spend some time with my dear friend.

I’m desperately searching for the silver lining here, and my stress from the last week has now morphed into fear for Ben.

We’re both quiet. What do you say on this kind of day? I’m acting brave and I think Ben’s acting, too.

“Hey, look, you’re holding my hand.” I smile up at him.

He looks down at our entwined hands and smiles. “Yeah, I’ve been pussy-whipped into submission.”

I giggle. “My pussy is great with a whip.”

He smiles as he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

We both fall silent and stare at each other.

It’s time.

He takes me into his arms and my eyes fill with tears when I look up at him.

He clenches his jaw as he looks down at me. “Please don’t cry,” he whispers. “I can’t bear it.”

I nod, and he holds me tight against his chest. I try my hardest not to sob out loud.

“Bridget, I’m going to let you go, and I need you to turn and walk through the gate for me.”

No. I grab him tighter. I don’t want to let him go.

“Bridget. Please,” he whispers.

I nod against his chest and smile up at him through my tears. “I’m not a cry baby, you are,” I whisper.

He chuckles and then his face falls serious. “I love you.”

“Ben,” I whisper.

“Yeah, angel,” he whispers as he cups my face in his hand.

“I’m really, really proud of you.” I sniff loudly. “You are such good man.” I nod and half-cry, half-smile, half I don’t know what. “And I love you so much.”

He drops his head, overcome with emotion.

“Go,” he whispers, his brow creasing.

I turn, walk toward the boarding gate, and hand over my ticket. I turn back to see him staring at the floor and my heart hurts.

He’s going to be alone… again.

He looks up and I fake a smile and wave. He fakes a smile in return and waves back.

Then I turn and walk down the corridor, my body moving completely on autopilot.

I left my heart in private boarding gate 21.

I march and power up the stair-climber at the gym.

I moped around at Mum’s for two days when I got back from Washington. Tash had gone home to L.A. and I felt so flat.

But now I’ve got my shit together.

I’m on ‘operation keep busy’.

I’ve been to the gym morning and night for the last two days. I figure I may as well be smoking-hot when he gets back. It won’t hurt.

I’m being the wedding planner on crack and have set a tentative date for us to get married in six weeks. I’ve been Skyping Adrian all day, every day, with wedding details and suggestions. I’ve been on five coffee dates with Mum, and I even did a couple hours of admin work in Brock’s office for him.

Ben has been gone for five days and I’m exhausted, but I just need to keep busy.

Where is he now?

Ben said, before he left, that he didn’t know if he would be able to call, but that one day he’ll just turn up at my door.

I’m hoping it’s today.

“So, what do you think?” Abbie asks.

Huh? I turn to her, she’s on the Stairmaster next to me, and we’re both wet with perspiration. I wipe my face with my towel. “Well, which one do you like?” I ask.

Abbie has two guys chasing after her. One is the right guy and one is Mr. Right Now.