I feel good. I have this buzz of excitement in my stomach, and I know that it has everything to do with a certain man.
I didn’t hear from him last night, and that’s okay. He would have been stressed out about Helena. Bart called him yesterday with my findings, and we're having a meeting about it next week. With nothing further to go on, we really can't do anything else. But it is interesting to know that Gerhard is sniffing around Sebastian's ex-wife.
Why, we have no idea. But one thing is for certain: we will find out.
I dig my ringing phone out of my handbag and see the name Duke lighting up the screen. My heart drops. He called me last night, too.
I can't answer it. I can't be any franker with him than I already have been.
We can't even be friends now because he will always want more, and history tells me that I won't. I just wish he would find someone. I mean, God, he has groupies and beautiful women coming out of his ears. What the hell does he want me for?
I think that’s half of his attraction he has for me… the fact that I don’t want him.
I've somehow become a challenge, and I don’t want to be, because I'm not trying to play hard to get.
I really mean it.
I hit decline and put my phone back into my bag. I've got to be cruel to be kind.
Regret swims in my stomach. Sorry, baby.
It's 6:00 p.m. on Saturday night. I walk through the bar to meet Anna and Penelope. I wave when I see them sitting at a table at the back, and I eventually fall into a seat beside them.
"Hey." I smile.
Anna fills my glass with wine. "Just in time for a toast." She smiles proudly.
I giggle and hold up my glass to theirs.
"To sleazy married dating sites," she says.
We all giggle. "Here, here!" I call. "Congratulations."
We're here to celebrate Anna’s new job. She just got the position of receptionist at Ashley Madison. Yes, you heard that right. Ashely Madison is a dating site for married people.
"So… tell us everything."
"Well, I start on Monday week. I'll be at the head office, on the front desk for a while. If I do well, I can progress to back of house."
I love seeing her so excited.
"What happens at back of house, do you reckon?" Penelope asks.
"Orgies," I offer.
'No." Anna widens her eyes. "We are a classy establishment."
"That caters for married people," Penelope teases.
"It's not how it sounds," Anna says. "Once they explained it to me, I kind of got it."
I raise an eyebrow.
"Ashley Madison is for people who are deeply in love with their spouse."
"Oh, please," I scoff.
"It's completely true. They have no desire to leave their marital home, and they are happy in every way with their partner. It's just that their wife or husband doesn’t have the same libido levels."
"Ugh." I roll my eyes and take a sip of my wine. "Give me a break."
"You know what?" Penelope says. "I get that. Imagine if you were married to the most amazing man, wonderful dad, and great partner. But then due to bad health or some other issue, he loses his ability to have sex. What would you do?" She looks between us both.
Anna shrugs.
"Would you leave him for a loser that can offer you sex?"
"No," I answer.
"So, you would just live the rest of your life without sex?"
I twist my lips. "Hmm."
"This guarantees your partners dignity," Penelope says. "You can have a hook up, discreetly and privately. Nobody is going to find out, and the person you are sleeping with is also happily in love with their partner. You help each other out, purely physically. It’s a win, win situation."
"Cheating is cheating." I huff. "I could never condone it. I've been on the other side of it."
"This is different. Your dickhead husband didn’t care about you or he wouldn’t have done it with some random chick."
"In my bed." I sneer. "Fucking asshole."
"Cockhead," Anna chimes in.
"Right?"
"All I'm saying is," Penelope continues, "Libidos in perfectly happy marriages can be very different, too. Sometimes things like this are necessary. If a man is walking around every day and night, horny as hell, and his wife won't put out, what is he supposed to do?"
"Wank," I mutter against my wineglass.
Anna giggles.
"And you can only fuck your vibrator so much." Penelope shrugs. "Nothing beats the touch of a hard man or feeling desired."
"Don’t I know it." Anna sighs.
"Anyway." Penelope shrugs. "I get it. I get women who go there. I get men who go there, too."
"I'd be happy just to be fucked by someone other than myself." Anna exhales heavily.
God, I want to tell them about the amazing sex I had this week, but of course, I can't. I've decided that I have to keep Sebastian to myself. Nobody can know about us. After this last week away with him, and seeing how good he is at his job, I know I'm not spending time with just anybody.